She knew her performance would make a wonderful educational video for the National Forest Service or the Ted Cruz presidential campaign. So it was loaded to Facebook.

But instead of celebrating her tough love, viewers began ratting out Pack to the cops. She was charged with animal cruelty and rocking a Macaulay Culkin hairdo in public.


15. Miguel Ortiz and Sergio Maldonado
Today's lesson, boys and girls: Stay in school, even if you're only pursuing a community-college degree in kidnapping.

18. Judge Michael Cook
Kevin Cannon
18. Judge Michael Cook
17. Ernesto Yañez
Kevin Cannon
17. Ernesto Yañez

Exhibit A: Miguel Ortiz and Sergio Maldonado, inattentive students.

One evening a man was standing outside his Los Angeles home when the two gangbangers decided he would make a fine if unwilling chauffer. They forced him to drive them on a few errands before reaching their final destination, Bare Elegance, a strip joint favorably reviewed by criminals on Yelp.

Our heroes let their chauffer go. He naturally called police. But since Ortiz and Maldonado failed to bone up on the getaway section of their kidnapping studies, they were still at the strip joint when the cops arrived.

The pair was arrested for kidnapping, robbery and setting a poor example for America's youth.


14. Maria Caya
It was the last day of school. Fourth-grade teacher Maria Caya was slated to take her young charges to a Janesville, Wisconsin, bowling alley to celebrate. So she prudently began drinking at 6 a.m. to get a jump on the festivities. Good teachers are always prepared.

Though eight other school employees attended the field trip, no one noticed that the 50-year-old educator had slightly overshot her intake capacity. Until she passed out at the bowling alley. With a blood-alcohol level of 0.27. Enough to fuel a Viking ship for three months.

Caya was accused of violating district policy on holding your liquor during field trips. She was paid $18,000 in exchange for her resignation.


13. Ronald Dean
A gym teacher at the AmeriSchools Academy in Phoenix led a class of kids ages ten to thirteen out to the playground for a little exercise. That's when they saw a middle-aged man in a nearby alley. His pants were down, and he appeared to be masturbating.

Police arrived to find Ronald Dean smoking crack and masturbating in full view of the school. Dean didn't understand what the fuss was about. "I was just sitting here getting high," he told the cops.

The officers patiently explained that pleasuring one's self in front of kids is generally frowned upon in Arizona. It took some doing, but Dean finally got the gist of their argument, conceding that he could have chosen a better locale to polish his manly sword.

"I guess I could have gone underneath the bridge overhang," he sheepishly admitted.

He was charged with indecent exposure and possession of narcotics.


12. Matthew Supran
Delray Beach, Florida, chiropractor Matthew Supran was watching his son's hockey game when a fourteen-year-old opposing player elbowed his boy in the face. A ref ruled the hit non-malicious, giving the kid a five-minute penalty under hockey's sentencing guidelines of assault.

Yet Supran had neglected to teach his son the game's prescribed response for an elbow to the face: a succession of retaliatory punches. Clearly he sucked as a Hockey Dad.

So the 230-pound Supran ran onto the ice, punched the teen offender in the face, then grabbed his helmet and slammed his head into the boards in a naked attempt to compensate for bad parenting. He was arrested on charges of child abuse.


11. Greg Abbott
Dallas couple Jeffrey and Henry Buck were married in Massachusetts, only to see their love wither two years later. A Dallas family court granted their divorce.

This caused Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott to blow a gasket. He's a strident opponent of gay marriage, fearing it will spur an outbreak of elegant kitchen remodeling that makes no allowances for gun racks. And because he's also running for governor, he wanted to appease the state's many followers of Mean Jesus, the pissed-off version of the leading brand.

So Abbott appealed the decision. Since Texas law banned gay marriage, he argued, the Bucks couldn't legally divorce either. A state appellate court agreed, reportedly signing its decision in drool.

Abbott got his wish: The Bucks were forced to stay gay married.

Wait? What?

The case is now before the Texas Supreme Court justices, who are expected to hire someone who can read it to them.


10. Kent and Jill Easter
Kelli Peters, a volunteer at an Irvine, California, elementary school, had punished a boy after tennis practice. Enter the kid's Parents from Hell, Kent and Jill Easter, who believed their son suffered grave emotional damage from the incident.

The married lawyers sued Peters, tried to get her fired and even sought a restraining order. But she kept volunteering.

So one night, Kent left a bag filled with pills, weed and a used pipe on the seat of Peters' car, which was parked at the school. He then anonymously called police, claiming he had seen someone driving erratically and trying to hide nefarious contraband in the school parking lot.

Unfortunately, the cops didn't believe Peters was dumb enough to leave her dope in full view on the seat. Suspicions soon turned to the Easters, whose track record of ham-fisted revenge fit the modus operandi of the caper.

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10 comments
JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

"The Bush Doctrine ... was used by President George W. Bush to justify the Iraq War." Wrong. It was first used to describe some withdrawals of treaties signed by Clinton and never passed by the Senate. Then it was more commonly used in the Afghanistan War, not the Iraqi War. Bush with the consent of Congress, including Mr. Clinton's wife, decided that harboring terrorists justified the elimination of the Taliban from power and control of that nation. As to the Iraqi War, Bush accepted Saddam's own words that he was violating the peace agreement from the Gulf War by having WMD. It did not matter whether he did or not. Saddam said he did, and we did know Saddam used such weapons against the Kurds. Bush was enforcing the UN treaty against the Iraqi dictator.

If the author would spend a half minute researching his political agenda, stupidity in blatant errors might be avoided or more properly focused. By all means slam Bush for how he and Congress decided to defend America. Honorable people can disagree on that. Dishonorable people make sh¡t up.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

"Though detectives say he attempted to extort fourteen women, he was allowed to plead guilty to one count of stalking, for which he'll spend at least two years in the slam."

Plea bargains like this are just wrong. Fourteen years is more deserving. Stop being so soft on criminals! Yes, it costs money to go to trial, and yes, you may lose. BUT justice demands you try to get these people off the streets for a long time lest they find more and better ways of harassing innocent people.

I do wonder the political agenda of the author in bringing out this criminal's party affiliation.  Is it because members of the GOP are unusual to commit such crimes? And that had he been a Clinton-Obama loyalist we would have expected such behavior?

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

Texas refusing to allowing gay divorce is quite understandable. They do not believe the couple was married. They do not recognize the union, therefore no divorce. Keep those divorces out of the Texas legal system. Why should Texans pay for a divorce court's time in dealing with gay divorce if there is no gay marriage? Plus, by not allowing the divorce, these two men cannot legally get married to others should they make another trip to New England. It is not like two people who filed for divorce and thought it was done are going to stay living together.


It is a shame the author's hate of those opposed to gay marriage clouds any rational thought.

kjoe7
kjoe7

waded through 5 pages to get to number one....anxiously anticipating...will it be nicastro, or herschend or sinquefield.....after all, we are considering destruction of childrens' lives, among other things....what a let down.

JamesMadison
JamesMadison topcommenter

"She was paid $18,000 in exchange for her resignation." Things have gotten rotten to the point we pay people for their bad behavior. Sure firing her outright might have resulted in legal bills over $18G, but if fairness was part of justice, legal fees would be paid by the losing side. Plus, the school should be able to recoup the legal fees from her pension fund. We have to stop rewarding criminal behavior.

George Culp
George Culp

Should have added my sister in law!!

Brenda McBride Watson
Brenda McBride Watson

I loved all the unnecessary flowery descriptions, in fact they were my favorite. Good work

Natasha Mayton
Natasha Mayton

This was funny. But, hard up read because of all the unnecessary, flowery descriptions.

 
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