She knew her performance would make a wonderful educational video for the National Forest Service or the Ted Cruz presidential campaign. So it was loaded to Facebook.

But instead of celebrating her tough love, viewers began ratting out Pack to the cops. She was charged with animal cruelty and rocking a Macaulay Culkin hairdo in public.

15. Miguel Ortiz and Sergio Maldonado
Today's lesson, boys and girls: Stay in school, even if you're only pursuing a community-college degree in kidnapping.

18. Judge Michael Cook
Kevin Cannon
18. Judge Michael Cook
17. Ernesto Yañez
Kevin Cannon
17. Ernesto Yañez

Exhibit A: Miguel Ortiz and Sergio Maldonado, inattentive students.

One evening a man was standing outside his Los Angeles home when the two gangbangers decided he would make a fine if unwilling chauffer. They forced him to drive them on a few errands before reaching their final destination, Bare Elegance, a strip joint favorably reviewed by criminals on Yelp.

Our heroes let their chauffer go. He naturally called police. But since Ortiz and Maldonado failed to bone up on the getaway section of their kidnapping studies, they were still at the strip joint when the cops arrived.

The pair was arrested for kidnapping, robbery and setting a poor example for America's youth.

14. Maria Caya
It was the last day of school. Fourth-grade teacher Maria Caya was slated to take her young charges to a Janesville, Wisconsin, bowling alley to celebrate. So she prudently began drinking at 6 a.m. to get a jump on the festivities. Good teachers are always prepared.

Though eight other school employees attended the field trip, no one noticed that the 50-year-old educator had slightly overshot her intake capacity. Until she passed out at the bowling alley. With a blood-alcohol level of 0.27. Enough to fuel a Viking ship for three months.

Caya was accused of violating district policy on holding your liquor during field trips. She was paid $18,000 in exchange for her resignation.

13. Ronald Dean
A gym teacher at the AmeriSchools Academy in Phoenix led a class of kids ages ten to thirteen out to the playground for a little exercise. That's when they saw a middle-aged man in a nearby alley. His pants were down, and he appeared to be masturbating.

Police arrived to find Ronald Dean smoking crack and masturbating in full view of the school. Dean didn't understand what the fuss was about. "I was just sitting here getting high," he told the cops.

The officers patiently explained that pleasuring one's self in front of kids is generally frowned upon in Arizona. It took some doing, but Dean finally got the gist of their argument, conceding that he could have chosen a better locale to polish his manly sword.

"I guess I could have gone underneath the bridge overhang," he sheepishly admitted.

He was charged with indecent exposure and possession of narcotics.

12. Matthew Supran
Delray Beach, Florida, chiropractor Matthew Supran was watching his son's hockey game when a fourteen-year-old opposing player elbowed his boy in the face. A ref ruled the hit non-malicious, giving the kid a five-minute penalty under hockey's sentencing guidelines of assault.

Yet Supran had neglected to teach his son the game's prescribed response for an elbow to the face: a succession of retaliatory punches. Clearly he sucked as a Hockey Dad.

So the 230-pound Supran ran onto the ice, punched the teen offender in the face, then grabbed his helmet and slammed his head into the boards in a naked attempt to compensate for bad parenting. He was arrested on charges of child abuse.

11. Greg Abbott
Dallas couple Jeffrey and Henry Buck were married in Massachusetts, only to see their love wither two years later. A Dallas family court granted their divorce.

This caused Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott to blow a gasket. He's a strident opponent of gay marriage, fearing it will spur an outbreak of elegant kitchen remodeling that makes no allowances for gun racks. And because he's also running for governor, he wanted to appease the state's many followers of Mean Jesus, the pissed-off version of the leading brand.

So Abbott appealed the decision. Since Texas law banned gay marriage, he argued, the Bucks couldn't legally divorce either. A state appellate court agreed, reportedly signing its decision in drool.

Abbott got his wish: The Bucks were forced to stay gay married.

Wait? What?

The case is now before the Texas Supreme Court justices, who are expected to hire someone who can read it to them.

10. Kent and Jill Easter
Kelli Peters, a volunteer at an Irvine, California, elementary school, had punished a boy after tennis practice. Enter the kid's Parents from Hell, Kent and Jill Easter, who believed their son suffered grave emotional damage from the incident.

The married lawyers sued Peters, tried to get her fired and even sought a restraining order. But she kept volunteering.

So one night, Kent left a bag filled with pills, weed and a used pipe on the seat of Peters' car, which was parked at the school. He then anonymously called police, claiming he had seen someone driving erratically and trying to hide nefarious contraband in the school parking lot.

Unfortunately, the cops didn't believe Peters was dumb enough to leave her dope in full view on the seat. Suspicions soon turned to the Easters, whose track record of ham-fisted revenge fit the modus operandi of the caper.

« Previous Page
Next Page »