On Thursday, this year's Oscar nominations will be announced, also known as national Gah! What Were Those Idiot Voters Thinking? Day. We can't wait, so in the meantime, we give you this:
One of the best performances of the year was from the tiny lifeboat in Captain Phillips.
1. Marvel Films has become Taco Bell, with plenty of sour-creamy, cheesy wrap-up menu items scheduled through 2021.
2. In 2021, Marvel Films will begin Phase 3, in which they ask the actors in The Avengers to change their names to their respective characters and begin a reality show called The Real Avengers.
3. Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost continue to be the one of the most refreshing filmmaking teams in modern cinema.
4. Practical effects = vinyl albums.
5. Zack Snyder made a movie once that looked neat, SO NOW HE'LL MAKE ALL THE FILMS BASED ON THE COOL THING YOU LOVED ONCE.
6. Jennifer Lawrence will be on some ballots for the next presidential election.
7. When all else fails, destroy New York City into shards of overblown CGI.
8. When all else fails, destroy the Golden Gate Bridge into shards of international orange.
9. When all else fails, Leonardo DiCaprio.
10. Several people who live with us on Earth saw to it that a sequel to The Smurfs was produced and released. Note: The tagline for the film was "Nice gets naughty."
11. We can't have a movie about outer space without real astronauts debunking it.
12. Everyone still hates Tom Cruise.
13. Elysium wasn't a film, actually. It was an hour-and-a-half, one-time recording of the actual future.
14. No one is working very hard to forget about the Jack and the Bean Stalk movie, Jack the Giant Slayer.
15. Sea World is hell.
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