Email Author Amy Helms

2004 Stories by Amy Helms

• Schuss, Little Darling

  published December 22, 2004

  SAT 12/25 Christmas is the most anticlimactic holiday. If you have children, or if you are a child at heart, you will be cleaning up... More >>

• Forget MILFs

  published December 15, 2004

  We are obsessed with elves. Is it because they are known to be mischievous and a bit eccentric (à la Will Ferrell in Elf)? Perhaps.... More >>

• The Elf Himself

  published December 8, 2004

  The still-single, thirtysomething ne'er-do-well of the family -- the one who counts on Christmas for a full year's worth of family strife and... More >>

• Bowl Like an Egyptian

  published December 1, 2004

  Back in Ms. Day's, ahem, day, she wasn't forced to walk to school uphill both ways (she's not that old!). But she's just old enough that her... More >>

• Get a Room

  published November 24, 2004

  Do you usually spend Thanksgiving Friday sitting around on your ass, downing pint glasses of giblet gravy? Such pastimes are admirable and... More >>

• Listen to America

  published November 17, 2004

  FRI 11/19 When airlines first began providing in-flight music via headphones, Ivan Tcherepnin had a brilliant idea: He thought of... More >>

• Conservatives? Anyone?

  published October 27, 2004

  THUR 10/28 Perhaps you, too, suffered through the interminable John Kerry interview conducted by MTV's Gideon Yago, wherein Mr. Kerry... More >>

• Italian Heritage Tours

  published October 6, 2004

  St. Louis is a town that retains its history better than most. Not just architecturally or in books, but in the very social fabric of our lives.... More >>

• Town and Country

  published September 29, 2004

  Let's everybody drop all the arguments pro and con, and agree -- for a second, for the hell of it -- that there is a Supreme Being. That said,... More >>

• Dogtown, Begorra!

  published September 15, 2004

  SUN 9/19 Where can you find Celtic warriors, live music, hurling and a church service rubbing elbows? This unlikely combination of... More >>

• Don't Fret!

  published September 8, 2004

  SAT 9/11 Stop lamenting your neglected acoustic guitar, sitting in a corner, collecting dust. Your short fingernails won't have to... More >>

• Shaking the Vine

  published August 18, 2004

  There are more than 30,000 Mizzou alumni in the St. Louis area, and these are the people who know specifically what "the winery" is. For those who... More >>

• Otaku Night on Friday

  published August 11, 2004

  FRI 8/13 What is this otaku that all the kids are talking about? OK, not all the kids are talking about otaku; it's... More >>

• Weapons of Mass Didacticism

  published August 4, 2004

  Slam poets are invading St. Louis. Try to remain calm. The RFT has learned that performance poets have chosen St. Louis as the site for the... More >>

• The U.S. Senior Open in St. Louis?

  published July 21, 2004

  The U.S. Senior Open is at the Bellerive Country Club (12925 Ladue Road; 314-878-2004) this year! We didn't know what that meant either, but after... More >>

• Puttin' the "Rrrrr" in Washers

  published July 14, 2004

  SAT 7/17 It all began some forty years ago in north county, when four neighborhood pals got together on a sunny July Saturday for a... More >>

• The Cycle of Life

  published June 23, 2004

  FRI 6/25 The St. Louis one experiences by automobile is not the St. Louis one experiences by bicycle. The city of the bicyclist is a... More >>

• Take Wing(s)

  published June 16, 2004

  THUR 6/17 Late on a Friday night in 1964, Dominic Bellissimo was mixing drinks at his family's Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York, when a... More >>

• Free Wheelin'

  published June 9, 2004

  Among the sporting events arriving this summer amid the general hoopla of the World's Fair centennial celebration is one that's never seen St.... More >>

• High (Wire) Noon

  published June 9, 2004

  The wild, wild West brings lots of images to mind: dirty saloons, itchy trigger fingers, chuck wagons, tumbleweeds, vast buffalo herds and Nino... More >>

• A Matter of Taste

  published June 2, 2004

  This weekend, two of St. Louis' tonier neighborhoods are holding "Taste" festivals. The Central West End's Art Fair and Taste (centered around... More >>

• C'mon, Get Gay and Happening

  published May 19, 2004

  What do Vice President Dick Cheney and the recently unemployed Dick Gephardt have in common other than the first name and a sneaking suspicion... More >>

• Makin' a List

  published May 12, 2004

  FRI 5/14 To-do lists are the ultimate unifier: Everyone has made at least one. Most times these lists are cryptic, and often the items... More >>

• Have Stick, Will Travel

  published May 5, 2004

  Lacrosse is one of the fastest-growing sports in America, and yet its popularity still lags behind lesser sports such as soccer or Amish rake... More >>

• Dirty Movies

  published April 28, 2004

  Adult Swim, Cartoon Network's block of surreal cartoons created for the immature human of drinking age, has started seeping into the... More >>