Email Author Ayatollah of Rock

2005 Stories by Ayatollah of Rock

• Critical Fatwa

  published December 21, 2005

  All hail Slayer! The monstrous sound of Reign in Blood inspires to this day. Unfortunately, much of what it inspires is adolescent claptrap... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published December 7, 2005

  All hail Big Poppa! Not only was the Notorious B.I.G. a master storyteller and emcee, but he also has never humped a corpse. That may seem faint... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published November 30, 2005

  All hail Chuck D! Oh, how the uptight and old white pundits parsed his every word. From the days of "jungle rhythms" to the French riots today,... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published November 16, 2005

  We are arbiters of music, not ideals. So all hail Crass, who made great music in spite of their goofball politics. From the silly socialism of... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published November 2, 2005

  Some grand faiths have their own adversaries (like, say, pharaohs and Pharisees) to scourge the faithful. But for those of us who hold music on... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published October 19, 2005

  All hail X, the band that has somehow remained cool as it ages, a most difficult task for punk rockers. Just look to X's contemporaries the Germs... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published October 5, 2005

  All hail Quincy Jones! Never has a cooler man walked the Earth than "Q." And now we praise him even more as the producer of Thriller, so we... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published September 14, 2005

  All hail Dr. Demento, who has carried the torch of the novelty song for many years. For we are not some dour Radiohead fan who requires... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published August 31, 2005

  All hail that doe-eyed siren known as Fiona Apple. Though she can be pretentious and sometimes seem unstable, these are faults we can forgive. No,... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published August 17, 2005

  All hail the mighty compact disc! That piece of technology that let you listen to OK Computer without having to sit through "Fitter... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published August 3, 2005

  All hail Lester Bangs! Bow down to the chosen critical few who light our way through the caverns of music. For there is an upstart we have let... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published July 20, 2005

  All hail Biggie Smalls, who loved it when we called him Big Poppa. Hail Tupac Shakur, whose thug ways made us forget he was in the Digital... More >>

• Critical Fatwa

  published July 6, 2005

  All hail Janis Joplin and bow down to Madonna and the Slits. For we have a pretender in our ranks, and we must call her out. Lindsay Lohan,... More >>

• We Aren't the World

  published June 29, 2005

  Hail the true spirit of rock & roll! Bow down to that fire that still burns, no matter how many would try to squash it with overly virtuous piety.... More >>

• Just Say "Yo" to Drugs

  published June 15, 2005

  The Wakarusa Music Festival takes place at Clinton Lake Park, five miles west of Lawrence, Kansas. Tickets are available at the gate for $119... More >>

• Searching for Pearl

  published April 13, 2005

  DJ Trackstar's One Dollar Mix Tape Vol. 4 could sell itself without the ridiculously low price. The fourth installment of the... More >>

• Verboten!

  published January 12, 2005

  The Blacklist Let us now discuss the labyrinthine, in-your-face, introspective, esoteric,... More >>