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2006 Stories by Malcolm Gay

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  • Happy Dogs Hot Sauce

    published December 27, 2006

    Among the habaneroscenti, a bottle of Cholula hot sauce is a lot like a case of 3.2 beer: By the time the liquor starts to take effect, you've... More >>

  • Abali Yogurt Soda

    published December 13, 2006

    Call me provincial. Call me a cream puff, but I have certain expectations when something carbonated touches my tongue. Namely, it had best be... More >>

  • Heinz Microwaveable Spotted Dick

    published November 29, 2006

    Caught vandalizing a seaside aquarium, twelve-year-old Jesse is punished with a series of odd jobs at the aquarium. Once a puckish street urchin... More >>

  • The Qdefense Rests

    published November 22, 2006

    The Loop's Qdoba and Saint Louis Bread Co. may seem plenty friendly, facing each other as they do across Delmar Boulevard, their outdoor seating... More >>

  • Dim Meats 1/2 Turducken

    published November 22, 2006

    The fat kid groaning on the couch was unconvincing. Uncle Marty's postprandial coma wasn't terminal, and Aunt Sarah's indigestion was quelled over... More >>

  • St. Louie Chop Suey

    published November 15, 2006

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  • La Choy Chicken Chow Mein

    published November 15, 2006

    Certain things will make the human heart despair: the barbed tail of a stingray, say, or an unrequited love, or the prospect of an afternoon spent... More >>

  • Morton House Mushroom Gravy & Salisbury Steak

    published November 8, 2006

    Nothing quite trumpets the arrival of fall like prying the lid from a tin of Morton House Mushroom Gravy & Salisbury Steak, a meal so... More >>

  • My Doggy Bites Peanut Butter

    published November 1, 2006

    I've always liked small dogs. That may be a predilection somewhere shy of manly, but to my way of thinking, small dogs have a scent of honesty... More >>

  • Grand Debate

    published October 25, 2006

    During the August 28 groundbreaking ceremony for Saint Louis University's new sports arena, school officials, area dignitaries and project donors... More >>

  • Fresh Express Spinach

    published October 25, 2006

    What, me worry? When it comes to a bag of Fresh Express Spinach, youbetcha. Oh, the package may say it contains a "SuperFood" with... More >>

  • Aroy-D Quail Eggs in Water

    published October 18, 2006

    A roommate once told me that to avoid insanity while owning a car in a big city, one must adopt the Wayne Gretzky method of parking. My roommate... More >>

  • Lewis & Clark & Clark & Clark

    published October 11, 2006

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  • R.I.P. Henry Townsend

    published October 4, 2006

    Henry Townsend, the prolific blues artist often described as the "Patriarch of St. Louis Blues" and the recipient of a National Heritage... More >>

  • Kalles Creamed Smoked Roe

    published October 4, 2006

    Oh, come on! During our nation's midcentury moon race against the Soviets, sure, Mom and Dad may have yearned to suck their creamed spinach from a... More >>

  • Cheetos Asteroids
    100 Calorie Mini Bites

    published September 20, 2006

    Here's a thorny truth: I have no idea what Rice Krispies actually sound like. Habit tells me they Snap! Crackle! and Pop! — but how do I know... More >>

  • Blue Sunday

    published September 13, 2006

    Bennie Smith, the guitarist whose technical mastery of the instrument and innovative arrangements of several blues classics earned him the title... More >>

  • Taco Bell Home Originals Taco Dinner

    published September 13, 2006

    If Hasbro ever decides to release a fast-food-themed version of Monopoly, there's little doubt which burger palace the folks on Boardwalk will... More >>

  • Music Showcase Schedule

    published September 6, 2006

    Best Blues Artist Bennie Smith The royal pantheon of blues guitar is... More >>

  • Total Exhibitionist

    published August 30, 2006

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  • Hang Tuft

    published August 30, 2006

    Standing before a crowd of roughly 50 colleagues at last week's noontime rally, Carolyn Tuft hardly looked like the city's most beleaguered... More >>

  • Ziyad Brand Pickled Lemon

    published August 30, 2006

    Our world shrank a little last week. Yep, astronomers demoted the Pluto formerly known as planet to the ignoble rank of "Dwarf Planet." Goodbye,... More >>

  • Roland Escargots Snails

    published August 16, 2006

    A columnist friend once told me that writing a column is like being married to a nymphomaniac: The first month is bliss; then the work begins.... More >>

  • Taste of Nature Sour Patch Cotton Candy

    published August 9, 2006

    TASTE OF NATURE SOUR PATCH COTTON CANDY $1.89 Blockbuster 4177 Lindell Boulevard Who cares that a swirl... More >>

  • Roxy Trading Inc. Salted Mustard Green

    published August 2, 2006

    Who knew that a dash of salt, a splash of water and a dose of sulfites are all it takes to place a head of mustard greens in a state of... More >>

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