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2002 Stories by Randall Roberts

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  • Demon Rum

    published December 25, 2002

    Don't choke on the floating cloves in the Demon Rum -- it's a real danger. Those cloves, they circle in the hot buttered rum as they bleed their... More >>

  • Sidecar

    published December 18, 2002

    Our grandparents' generation was a bunch of drunks, apparently, and the proof is in the movies: In every living room there's a trolley bar with a... More >>

  • Kir Royale

    published December 11, 2002

    In wintertime, it's sometimes necessary to disappear into your own private Idaho, that woodsy desolation inside your noggin, and live with the... More >>

  • Matt's Juice

    published December 4, 2002

    Those of us who have drunk Matt's Juice, who have sipped from the well of the mighty, mighty Matt Wagner, understand. The rest of you -- well,... More >>

  • White Riot

    published December 4, 2002

    We are white. We long to be funky. We want elasticity; we want the rubber knees, the fluid flow, the boiling blood, the innate understanding of... More >>

  • Green Chartreuse

    published November 27, 2002

    Yowza, that Green Chartreuse stuff is weird, one of the strangest elixirs out there. It's the color of kryptonite, the flavor of an exquisite... More >>

  • Three's a Charm

    published November 20, 2002

    A theory: It's possible to judge the quality of the food at a Mexican restaurant by the presence, or lack thereof, of handpainted murals. If... More >>

  • Joan Miro

    published November 20, 2002

    On Modesto's L-shaped bar sits an origami frog and lily pad crafted out of two bucks -- the pad a circular fan-folded bill, the frog a... More >>

  • Old Peculier

    published October 30, 2002

    Careful with the Old Peculier: After drinking a few of these beers, lesser souls than you have ended up with their pants around their ankles,... More >>

  • Espresso Martini

    published October 23, 2002

    What's the point of an espresso martini, of coupling a shot of coffee with twice as much vodka? A stimulant and a depressant taken together --kind... More >>

  • The Caipirinha

    published October 16, 2002

    With all due respect to bartenders -- never bite that particular hand -- it doesn't take an expert to make a rum and Coke, just a good eye for... More >>

  • Piece of Cake

    published October 9, 2002

    Aside from a few artists' studios and the presence of some Volkswagen Jettas, Maplewood's always been a Busch/Bud Light/mullet kind of town, a... More >>

  • Dirt Alert

    published July 31, 2002

    There's a big, mythic river in our midst, and, unfortunately, its main use in 2002 is as a place to put casinos. But believe it or not, within the... More >>

  • Central Station

    published July 31, 2002

    In heaven, the chosen few will have access to fresh peaches year-round, and handmaidens and manservants will replenish your bowl of fresh peach... More >>

  • Wilco with the Preston School of Industry

    published July 17, 2002

    If you're a St. Louis rock fan, you know the story of Jeff Tweedy's ascent. You've read about it in Rolling Stone, the New York... More >>

  • El-P

    published June 19, 2002

    You can hear the rumbling of some sort of hip-hop future on a few recent releases. It grumbles through the Anti-Pop Consortium's... More >>

  • Lost in Space

    published June 12, 2002

    In the future, radio won't be beamed from rusty old antennas. That's so analog, so last century. The future, as we all know (so shut up... More >>

  • Beat Juggler

    published May 22, 2002

    John Coltrane never sang. He grunted from time to time -- maybe even chanted on some of his later excursions. But he never sang. He didn't need... More >>

  • 2002 Riverfront Times Music Award Winners

    published May 15, 2002

    St. Lunatics Best Rap, Recording of the Year It's been a very good year for the St. Lunatics, individually and collectively. In the... More >>

  • Cee-Lo, with the Aaries and Musiq

    published May 8, 2002

    The OutKast, we know. They're big. One of 'em dresses funny, and, for commercially oriented rappers, they're out there. The Goodie Mob are... More >>

  • Boards of Canada

    published April 3, 2002

    As computer-based music composers learn the ins and outs of their instrument, one startling reality shines above all others: Anything is possible.... More >>

  • Desolation Row

    published March 20, 2002

    Tom Gray remembers a time, seven years ago, when Velvet was Sanctuary and Washington Avenue was Nowheresville. "We used to ride Big Wheels down... More >>

  • The Liars with Brain Transplant and the Star Death

    published March 13, 2002

    What comes around goes around, it is true. The best hope is that what comes back around didn't suck in the first place and that the interesting... More >>

  • Lazy Boys

    published February 20, 2002

    Fact: There are a lot of turntables in the world right now, as well as an avalanche of shitty thump-thump house records. Fact: The number... More >>

  • Felix Da Housecat

    published February 13, 2002

    Early electro, the '80s rap cousin that helped spawn both synth-pop and techno, was kinda clumsy. Infectious and freaky, yes, but because of the... More >>

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