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2003 Stories by Randall Roberts

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  • Drink of the Year

    published December 31, 2003

    An ode to liquid, the wetness that passes through your lips, massages your taste buds and, in a split second, changes them forever. A song in... More >>

  • '03, Oh My!

    published December 31, 2003

    Editor's note: A correction ran concerning this story; see end of article. As 2003 dies out, the year isn't suggesting any easy... More >>

  • Anytime Martini

    published December 24, 2003

    Wrong and wrong. Wrong because this "martini" is sweet, so it's best ordered after dinner, rather than anytime, when we ordered it. We... More >>

  • Purple Haze

    published December 17, 2003

    When it comes to getting messed up, we humans are an ingenious bunch. Find a new plant while scrounging for sustenance? There's a good chance that... More >>

  • Nocello, Neat

    published December 10, 2003

    And what about the squirrels? Do they have enough nuts for the next four months? Blankets? Chai? And those still scurrying around desperately on... More >>

  • Cup of Coffee

    published December 3, 2003

    Raise a glass to the Cup of Coffee, the engine of industry, the most delicious and gratifying of the minor, reasonably harmless addictions, a... More >>

  • Missy Elliott

    published December 3, 2003

    Missy Elliott is damned lucky that she can spot a beat and that she hooked up with Timbaland early on, because she sure as hell can't write more... More >>

  • Kublai Khan

    published November 26, 2003

    At the Upstairs Lounge on South Grand, they make this drink called the Kublai Khan, a fact that sets the mind reeling in many directions... More >>

  • Cosmopolitan

    published November 19, 2003

    Silence at a restaurant is a wonderful thing, even if the first few moments after the grand entry into La Piazza sting. There you are, alone and... More >>

  • Irish Coffee (Protestant)

    published November 12, 2003

    There are days when the best of your emotions -- those gentle, forgiving, lovely, tender impulses -- hover at the surface, float... More >>

  • Dawg Eat Dawg

    published November 5, 2003

    Jay Nicks is a little guy, stands maybe five-seven. Scraggly-ass goatee hanging from the bottom of his chin -- he probably couldn't grow a full... More >>

  • Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale

    published November 5, 2003

    Oh, the wonders of humanity, that we as a race have perfected not only the art of hot-rodding, fibbing, electric toothbrushing and Hacky... More >>

  • 2000 E. Guigal Hermitage Rouge

    published October 29, 2003

    A $50 bottle of wine goes quite well with a takeout Vito's red-pepper-and-mushroom pizza, we know this much is true. It brings out the pure... More >>

  • Creek and Creek

    published October 22, 2003

    You know these people. If not firsthand, then from their work. Surely you've heard Joni Mitchell -- Court and Spark, perhaps? -- over... More >>

  • Amaro Nonino

    published October 15, 2003

    If you're lucky enough, while dining at I Fratellini, to be fluent in Italian, the Hustler of languages (to French's Playboy), you... More >>

  • Pimp Juice

    published October 8, 2003

    Sometimes life feels like it's riding on red velvet. Your Hyundai's running like a Bentley and your ass looks better in the Dickies than in the... More >>

  • Spirit of St. Louis

    published October 1, 2003

    No, it doesn't contain toasted ravioli purée, Provel cheese, Michelob Ultra or single-engine airplane fuel, so you're just going to have to... More >>

  • The Barefoot Jungle Sound

    published October 1, 2003

    In the beginning, there was rhythm. Hairy hominids banging bones. Then, pokey Neanderthals discovered the handclap -- they grunted with glee --... More >>

  • The March to Middlesex

    published September 24, 2003

    SAT 9/27 Left Bank Books has been on a roll of late, bringing some of our most influential cultural voices to the city. This week... More >>

  • Pop's Special

    published September 17, 2003

    Those of us now floating aimlessly in the existential ocean after losing our anchor, Johnny Cash, will have to find some other rock to tether... More >>

  • Club 'Cello

    published September 10, 2003

    During the first week of September, at least one DeBaliviere-area cicada crawled out of bed at exactly 5:23 p.m., stretched her wings, then rubbed... More >>

  • Busch Beer

    published September 3, 2003

    Some phrases are almost too poetic, too evocative, too pure. Such as: "electric eels under the covers"; "I can't stand the rain against my... More >>

  • Agavero Martini

    published August 27, 2003

    It must be a load to bear, to find yourself as a bellwether for an entire downtown revitalization, which is the odd situation that Kitchen K is... More >>

  • The Ice Cream War

    published August 20, 2003

    Editor's note: A correction ran concerning this story; see end of article. Do your ears hang low? Do they... More >>

  • Godiva Chocolate Martini

    published August 20, 2003

    Chocolate. Light of our lives, fire of our loins. Our sin. Our soul. Choc-o-late. Pucker the lips, jump back to click the throat, then to... More >>

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