St. Louis is not without amusement areas that possess their own unique charm, but there ain't no how, no way any of them could top a theme park that has something called the Tot Rods. All right, so it's just a circular course stocked with kid-size classic cars, and there's no paint-swapping allowed and on top of that, you're too big to even bother standing in line. But the NASCAR SpeedPark has about a jillion other things to do. Fancy carnival games of chance? Yup, they've got 'em, and some of them look to have been transported from a mid-'70s hillbilly county fair, particularly the Big Bertha beanbag toss (it must be seen to be believed). Is Lazer Tag making a comeback? Who cares at NASCAR SpeedPark it never went out of style! Rock climbing has nothing to do with Talladega, but a two-story rock wall awaits your scramble. Of course, some go to the NASCAR SpeedPark expecting NASCAR-themed events. Literalists. There are indeed five courses for you to race on, but you only care about two of them. The Champion is the indoor, figure-eight course that climbs two stories and wraps around the arcade area, and it shakes with the thunder of open-cockpit electric cars. But you'll probably want to head straight for the Mini-Motor Speedway: A three-quarter-mile oval for five-eighths-scale Nextel Cup model cars, a course so serious you need to be at least sixteen years old and have a valid driver's license
to get behind the wheel. Now all you need to do is line up a sponsor, grow some sideburns and declare your hatred of Tony Stewart.