Can't sleep. What's on the radio? A deep voice. "From the heartland of America and the Gateway to the West...." Ah, tonight George Noory's broadcasting Coast to Coast AM (www.coasttocoastam.com) from his "cave" in St. Louis (as he was back in April when the earthquake struck — CNN talked to him about it). Who will be his guest — a respected scientist or an "expert" on things paranormal? His topic? Distant viewing. Time travel. Climate change. UFOs. Poltergeists. And Jim White thought things went bump in the night. Athletes on steroids, red-light cameras — those are topics for daytime jabber. We insomniacs demand something more cerebral and night after night turn to our own Joe Buck of the Bizarre. Noory was hosting The Nighthawk on KTRS when he caught the attention of Coast to Coast's producers, and when that show's legendary host Art Bell retired (for real) in '03, George was tapped to be his permanent weeknight replacement, reaching millions of listeners through 500-plus affiliates. He's in town tonight, but even when he airs his show from LA, "his beloved St. Louis" — as one frequent guest refers to it — comes up almost nightly. As the third hour of this gabfest yields to the fourth, the real fun starts as the phone lines open to the listeners. One caller with a fake Irish brogue, Russell from Kentucky, is obviously yanking George's chain. He claims a new synthetic blood is going to allow vampires to come out of the closet. Russell is a vampire, of course, having been genetically combined with a cat (he's got X-rays to prove it). Ever the gracious host, George plays along, continuing the conversation for the next eleven minutes, concluding, "This is one of the greatest calls I've ever had — amazing! Next, from Columbia, Missouri...." Whether a skeptic or a believer, the insomniac listening to Coast to Coast AM faces the nightly dilemma: Turn off the radio and try to get a little sleep or keep listening and stumble through the workday a sleep-deprived zombie. Again.