Best Way to Ward off Vampires - 2008
Tornadoes, floods, thunderstorms, palm-size mosquitoes: You know just how to react when any of these familiar aspects of nature are threatening you. But what about lesser-known dangers? The news certainly can't cover them all, and you don't want to be caught unawares if, say, there's a vampire outbreak. You're definitely not interested in becoming one of those creatures of the night! So how do you even start to protect yourself? Should you don garlic-clove necklaces? Maybe stock up on stakes? Well, no and no. All you have to do is pay a visit to Al-Tarboush Deli at least once a week to lunch on the shish taouk. This pita sandwich filled with marinated chicken, a dill pickle spear and a terrifically garlicky paste is all you need to keep those bloodsuckers at bay. Your flesh might not smell particularly odorific to you, but trust us: You'll be safe. At least from the undead. You'll still have to head to the basement if a twister's a-comin'.