Some comfort foods are challenging, aggressive. Buffalo wings are valued by their oral incendiary abilities. Nachos and T-ravs have sharpened their edges. The slinger wants you dead. Other comfort foods are passive and more, well, comforting — such as the milkshake. It takes a hell of a shake, then, to beat a man down, cow him, steal his dignity. But that's precisely what Crown Candy Kitchen's legendary milkshakes do: widen the eyes of the victim in disbelief when the glass hits the table and then lower them in defeat when he realizes, as he gets to the bottom of the glass, that half of the thing is still left in the stainless-steel mixing cup. Like Muhammad Ali circa 1975, the shakes at Crown Candy Kitchen are thicker, heavier and more experienced in their art than their later-born competitors. Need more proof that this shake is out to cause you serious harm? Look at the spectacular failure of Man v. Food host/professional eater of ridiculous things, Adam Richman, when he attempted Crown Candy Kitchen's malt milkshake challenge: five malts in thirty minutes. At 24 ounces apiece and 14 percent butterfat in the house-made ice cream, that's the equivalent of an absolute minimum of three sticks of butter. Good hustle, Adam, but the champ's been at this since 1913, and it's still the most formidable — and delicious — foe in town.
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