There's Alka-Seltzer for sale at Slo Tom's for the pain in the brokenhearted's gut. Buck-twenty-five cans of Stag help, too. So does a jukebox loaded with the saddest music in the world: Loretta Lynn, George Jones, Hank Williams. Even Dr. Hook, because only the truly miserable need to hear "A Little Bit More" in the middle of the afternoon with a table full of old guys who were drunk by four o'clock. The Bottle Rockets' 1997 ode to the bar is the happiest song on the jukebox. If wallowing doesn't work, the part of the brain that registers pain can be obliterated. Explains Paddy Hatchet (possibly an alias): "The GTO is a drink that'll curve your spine and lose the war for the Allies. Tastes like fruit punch, but has a Long Island Iced Tea way of catching you right between the eyes quite nicely." It'll surely make you forget your sorry situation — if only till tomorrow morning, when you'll have other headaches to deal with.
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