At any rate, even before declaring war on Halloween, I found choosing a costume stressful. True story: The last time I went to a Halloween party, I waited until the last minute before buying a cheap rubber alien mask from Target and pairing that with a cheap suit. I told people I was an Intergalactic Insurance Adjustor -- until, that is, the mask became too uncomfortable to wear and I was just that weird dude at the costume party in a cheap suit.
Here, using the same creativity and thrift that produced the Intergalactic Insurance Adjustor, I offer you five ideas for food-related Halloween costumes that won't set you back much dough -- ha ha
! -- but will make sure you're the talk of the party. Especially if you wait until your office's Christmas party to use them.
Buy a small metal crate
(like you would use for training a puppy) and a rubber pig's nose. Or an actual pig's head, as pictured above. Whatever. Remove the bottom of the cage, put on the pig's nose and then lower the cage over your head and shoulders. Voila!
You're a CAFO animal
. Try to maintain a disaffected or even distressed expression as you trick-or-treat.2.
Wrap yourself from shoulders to feet in a beige or off-white blanket. Wrap the lower half of the blanket in aluminum foil. Affix green, red and white tissue paper to your head and neck. Voila!
You're a burrito
I don't like Halloween. It's an adult holiday now, what with all the sexy nurses and sexy pirates and -- I'm going to go out on a limb and hazard a guess here -- this year way too many Michael Jackson-inspired costumes of questionable propriety.