Friday, April 8, 2011

Sandra Lee's Blenders and Six Celeb Chef Products That Should Exist

Posted By on Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 1:00 PM

Sandra Lee, surrounded by a bunch of Kmart crap. - COUCHPOTATOCOOK.COM
  • couchpotatocook.com
  • Sandra Lee, surrounded by a bunch of Kmart crap.

Coming soon to a Kmart near you next year -- Sandra Lee's line of "cookware, small appliances and other kitchen products."

OK, so that doesn't sound dissimilar from the line of goods Martha Stewart hocked at the lagging discount retailer for years.

Lee needs a signature item...like the official Cocktail Time blender! All of Kmart's budget styling, loaded with a 26 horsepower Kohler Courage PRO V-Twin engine with a full-pressure lube from a Craftsman lawn tractor. It's perfect for whipping up enough frozen cocktails for a quiet night alone.

Perhaps other celebrity chefs could use a boost for their product lines.

A Gut Check reader recently asked if we knew that Mario Batali had his own line of Crocs. Indeed, we did! They're geared toward food-service workers who are more concerned with the effects of standing fourteen hours a day than with looking ridiculous.

DEMOCRATICUNDERGROUND.COM
  • democraticunderground.com

To complete the Batali look: Lardo hair tonic. Extracted directly from the bellies of wooly Mangalitsa hogs, this hair product will keep ponytails slick and sparse, the Mario way.

Duff Goldman's Ace of Cakes has gone to the great bakery in the sky, but that doesn't mean Goldman's sitting on his, uh, duff. Not with his line, Duff Goldman by Gartner Studios, which sells cake pans, badass cake tattoos and fondant. Which is just as badass as the tattoos, we're sure.

DUFF.COM
  • duff.com

Goldman could expand his line to include Don't Get Off Your Duff, a giant chair-shaped cake with fluffy, frosted upholstery. Just right for comforting the sitter through long days of television unemployment.

Paula Deen's already got the corner on the Wal-Mart market. Her product line includes cookware, food-scented candles, baked goods and a terrifying product called Butt Massage. It looks like it would burn.

PAULADEENSTORE.COM
  • pauladeenstore.com

Speaking of massages, eat enough of Ms. Deen's butter-loaded recipes, and you might need a cardiac massage. Enter the Paula Deen Defi-Butter-Lator! These kitchen-sized shockers come in an enameled porcelain case available in your choice of red, aqua or butter to coordinate with your Paula Deen 48-ounce Lard Jar (sold separately) that led to the vascular incident in the first place.

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