Thursday, May 12, 2011
How Not to Recruit a Willing Cannibalism Victim
By Ian Froeb
on Thu, May 12, 2011 at 2:00 PM
Then -- miracle of miracles! -- you find through the magic of the Internet some suicidal type in another country who's willing to let you kill and then eat him
Does it occur to you, though, that this might be too easy? That the would-be victim could change his mind? That it could all be an elaborate sting?
Because that's more or less what happened to you in Slovakia, reports MSNBC:
Investigators say the suspect used the Internet to search for a person who wanted to commit suicide or be killed and would agree to let him eat the body. A Swiss man initially agreed but later changed his mind and informed authorities, police said.
An undercover officer who pretended to be the would-be victim agreed to meet the suspect near Kysak on Tuesday, as agreed, police said.
The meeting turned into a gun battle, and the suspect was shot multiple times. (He survived.) The best detail from the story, though, is how the cannibal planned to prepare -- or, rather, to preserve -- his victim:
His body, hidden under brush and then doused with black pepper, would be consumed over time.
Look, buddy, I get it. Your whole life you've had an unnatural craving for human flesh. You get in line behind a particularly shapely ass at the grocery store, and immediately you start picturing it dry-rubbed with your favorite blend of herbs and spices and turning slowly on a spit. "A Modest Proposal" seems perfectly reasonable to you.