Monday, March 19, 2012

Dear Jessica Simpson: Name Your Baby After These Grape Varieties, Not Zinfandel

Posted By on Mon, Mar 19, 2012 at 11:30 AM

click to enlarge Not an appropriate name for baby - IMAGE VIA

Gut Check isn't above browsing the celebrity gossip, but we saw this juicy tidbit via Grub Street rather than our usual supermarket tabloids: Jessica Simpson -- did she sing? we honestly can't remember why she's famous in the first place -- and her fiance considered naming their soon-to-arrive child Zinfandel.

Yes, that's right: Zinfandel, as in little-z zinfandel, the grape that produces either A) a brawny red, or B) a wussy "white." So I guess they would have had their bases covered however the kid turned out.

At any rate, cooler heads prevailed, and baby Simpson will be named Maxwell. Which is a shame, really. As ridiculous a name as "Zinfandel" might have been, Simpson and her baby daddy were on to something. Booze has been at least partly responsible for more than a few instances of conception, after all. Why not honor its role as a, um, social lubricant?

The trick, of course, is to find a grape with a lovely and/or cool name -- and that will raise eyebrows only among wine aficionados. On behalf of parents-to-be everywhere, Gut Check has gone ahead and identified ten such grapes.

Ten Grapes That Would Make Better Names for Jessica Simpson's (or Your) Baby Than Zinfandel


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