Thursday, September 19, 2013

Breastaurant? How About a Sausage Fest for the Ladies?

Posted By on Thu, Sep 19, 2013 at 11:00 AM

click to enlarge        Australia knows what's up. | Rich Juzwiak

The ladies of Gut Check are a bit miffed about this whole "breastaurant" thing. Readers may suspect it's because we are offended by the subjugation of women by the corporate man, or that our scantily clad sisters somehow insult our feminine mystique. Not so! While our feminist pride roars as loud as anyone's, our problem is that the guys seem to be having all of the fun. After all, where can a lady go for some mediocre food and great scenery? While the men have an ever-increasing array of choices, we women are forced into over-the-top clubs on the east side for a little eye candy. This seems odd, as we are certainly the subtler of the sexes.

See Also -Breastaurant Wars: Hooters Competitor Twin Peaks to Open St. Louis Location

In this spirit, we are hereby demanding a little equality. There has to be someone with an entrepreneurial spirit who will recognize the untapped potential of a new genre of establishment we are calling a "petery." Heck, we've even begun brainstorming some concepts. There's no charge for the idea -- just make sure we can always get a table.

click to enlarge        Why is the rum gone? | Kate Haskell

Schlong John Silver's

Patrons of this pirate-themed "petery" will be treated to fried seafood platters and frozen daiquiris, served up by a staff of strapping buccaneers. Only applicants who have a minimum of a 70 percent likeness to Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom will be brought on staff, and all waiters are required to use the pun "booty" a minimum of six times at each table.

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