Of all the recipes we received from top St. Louis chefs and bartenders for our 2016 Winter Flavor issue, by far the funniest was from Matt Osmoe. The bartender at Blood and Sand offered the recipe below for pork with sauerkraut, and while it may not have you grabbing your gun, but should definitely be worth a good chuckle. More serious cooks may want to check out recipes for Nancy Boehm's salted caramel banana bread and Natasha Kwan's jalapeno soup.
Bartender, Blood and Sand
I am not one to tell people what or how they should eat. This is America. You can do as you please. However, I will share this recipe so that it may benefit a local cabbage sauering operation to which I have apportioned a parcel of my holdings. Pork with sauerkraut: a fine breakfast, easily prepared.
Pork with Sauerkraut
- 1 lb pork loin
- ¼ cup lard
- 1 onion
- 1 lb sauerkraut
- Paprika, caraway and cumin to taste
- 2 halved and seeded red chilis
- 1/3 cup pork stock
- Salt to taste
- Sour cream for garnish
Select a hardy pig from your fields. A “holiday” pig or other superb beast is not required; a standard pig will do. Though most of it will rightly go into the making of smoked sausage and cured meats, set aside a leaner cut, perhaps a loin. Of this you will need one pound per person. This will be suitable fuel when endeavoring to fell wood for heat and shelter. For soft-handed city work, one pound per four people will suffice.
Rekindle your campfire. You should always maintain your campfire as it can be used for heat, the cooking of things and emergency ax repair.
Fashion the meat into cubes and brown in 1/4 cup of melted lard. You may choose to include onion. You may also choose to include apples. Don’t. Apples are basically tree candy and should be eaten only by small children or used to attract deer to within arrow range.
Add to the pan a pound of sauerkraut per serving. I find the addition of paprika, caraway and cumin to be necessary when using sauerkraut purchased from a store, as I once found occasion to do after a drunken goat overturned my sauerkraut crock; a costly mistake for the goat, but a delicious end to Fridtjof Nansen day.
Add two halved and seeded red chilies. The seeds should be made into a paste that can be preserved and applied to one’s knuckles, should bears attack during the night. Bears prefer not to be face-punched by pepper knuckles, a fact to which my Great Aunt Olga can hilariously attest.
Add 1/3 cup pork stock, cover tightly, and cook over low heat for 60 to 90 minutes, depending on wind conditions. Stir occasionally. I prefer the use of a hard rye bread over a spoon, as you may subsequently eat the stew-soaked bread, which is quite good. This also makes spoons unnecessary, which is also quite good, as anything smaller than a ladle is pointless.
When serving, add salt to taste, a dollop of sour cream, paprika and whatever scavenged herbs you deem appropriate. I tend towards sage. If bread remains, you may also eat bread. However, if your bread says “Wonder” or “Bunny” on it, simply apply the bread to your campfire where it can harm no one.
Lastly, and most importantly, a healthy portion of aquavit should accompany the stated breakfast. Linie can be found locally. It is made with herbs, which will go well with the dish. It has the added benefit of making you more intimidating to bears, to which my Great Aunt Olga can also hilariously attest.