Thursday, September 1, 2011

Lindsay Lohan's Billy Joel Tattoo: Five Other Lyrics She Could Have Used

Posted By on Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 12:10 PM

PHOTO CREDIT TO... WHAT'S THAT? YOU FIGURED IT OUT ALREADY?
  • Photo credit to... what's that? You figured it out already?

Lindsay Lohan got a Billy Joel lyric tattooed on her rib cage, and frankly we can't believe it took this long. The gossip mill says that, "It represented where she is in life and everything she's been through ... it signifies that she's focused." We suppose time will tell about the focus part, but there's no doubt the Piano Man's been singing Lindsay's song forever. She chose a line from "I Go To Extremes," and that seems like poetic fate until you remember that the Billy Joel catalog is lousy with fuckups, self-destructive tendencies and self-consciousness. Really, it's a great pairing, so if Ms. Lohan's looking to add some equally fitting lyrical inspirations to the collection, we've got a few suggestions.

5. "The Entertainer: An impressively self-aware song, as celebrity navel-gazers go. So it's not exactly Lindsay's theme song, and the rules have changed a little in the (ahem) TMZ era anyway. Lohan's own stab at this, "Rumors,"* was the worst kind of pity-my-millions horse shit. But who knows, maybe she's gained some perspective. The Joel line, "And I won't be here/in another year/if I don't stay on the charts," would just need "Twitter trends" in place of "charts" for contemporary salience.

4. "Only the Good Die Young" We will eschew the totally obvious choice here in favor of a relatively subtle line in a song full of home-run swing whiffs. "They showed you a statue/told you to pray./They built you a temple and locked you away."

3. "It's Still Rock And Roll To Me" The way to go here is "You can't dress trashy 'till you spend a lot of money." Inked on Lindsay's body and given the context of the song, this would actually be a startling pop statement, like Andy Warhol deep. Yes, we know that's an oxymoron.

2. "She's Always A Woman To Me" Well, uhhh... "She steals like a thief/but she's always a woman to me."

1. "You May Be Right Perhaps she's looking for a full back affair -- there's really too many perfect fits in "You May Be Right" to pick one line or even one verse. We suppose, from her perspective, you might find vindication in "I was only having fun/Wasn't hurting anyone/And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change." But why choose when you could have:

Friday night I crashed your party Saturday I said I'm sorry Sunday came and trashed it out again I was only having fun Wasn't hurting anyone And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change

I've been stranded in the combat zone I walked through Bedford Stuy alone Even rode my motorcycle in the rain And you told me not to drive But I made it home alive So you said that only proves that I'm insane

You may be right I may be crazy But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right

Remember how I found you there Alone in your electric chair I told you dirty jokes until you smiled You were lonely for a man I said take me as I am 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while

Now think of all the years you tried to Find someone to satisfy you I might be as crazy as you say If I'm crazy then it's true That it's all because of you And you wouldn't want me any other way

You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for It's too late to fight It's too late to change me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right

You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know You may be right You may be wrong but you may be right

*We listened to this song again for the first time in years in the course of writing this and OH WOW is it terrible. We'd totally blocked out the alternative rawk guitar line and attendent scream-vomits ("wwwhhhUUUT"). Yikes.

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