Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Twenty Best-Dressed Juggalos at the Gathering

Posted By on Sun, Jul 27, 2014 at 9:24 AM

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Juggalo fashion generally involves great big pants and T-shirts that were possibly purchased at truck stops. Hair is best when it is braided and aloft in the style of Coolio, and everything looks better coated in a thin layer of sticky-delicious Faygo, of course.

But some juggalos go out of their way to trot out their hottest looks for the Gathering of the Juggalos, Here, then, are the twenty best-dressed juggalos at this year's big event.

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Legendary wrestler Mick Foley came to the Gathering wearing a Hawaiian shirt, sweatpants, slippers and a fanny pack. During his comedy set, one juggalo heckled him about the latter of those items, and then Foley choke-slammed him off a 40-foot steel cage.*

*May not have actually happened.

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This guy stood for an extended period of time, silent and on guard, right in the middle of a major pathway. His armor is not black, but I still completely expected a Monty Python-style "None Shall Pass" at any moment.

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Why yes, we did include this guy, because DUH.

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Pretty sure this is the Predator in clown paint. They don't allow weapons in the venue and therefore no one was adequately armed enough to be a worthwhile hunt, so luckily nobody had to be killed.

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This woman actually bothered to wear pasties instead of (like most juggalettes here) just wandering around with nothing on top at all. Clearly this is a woman of sophistication.

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This handsome fellow is sporting a Grateful Dead bear, a Crass logo, two anarchy symbols and a Rancid patch on his studded denim jacket. Add the facepaint to that and this man successfully represents basically every underground subculture, all at once.

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I'm pretty sure this is one of those shitty government scientists from E.T., taking a break to hang out with his clown friends at the Whoopty Whoop Party in between enslaving and dissecting adorable aliens.

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This and "I Am A Gang Member Not A Juggalo" were the best Gathering-themed T-shirts we saw on the grounds.

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I'll be honest: This guy's gear looks good, but the main reason he is included is so that I have an excuse to publish a photo of a guy juggling a gigantic, floppy dildo.

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This guy's dildo, in fact -- the one in the bathrobe. File under "Obi-Wang Kenobi."

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It was cool of this Smoke Monster to make it out to the show. And he even wore a scary mask! How fun.

Story continues on the next page.

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