There's no sugar-coating this one: It has been a rough couple of months for August Busch IV
. In November the beer scion watched helplessly as Belgian brewing behemoth InBev
swooped in to buy the former family business that bears his name.
Then just last week the recently unemployed Busch IV divorced his wife
-- only two short years after their elaborate wedding
Thinking of Busch IV sitting alone in his mansion
with nothing to do but count the $92 million he made off the sale of Anheuser-Busch is enough to make even stoic ol' Unreal get teary-eyed.
Yes, it's downright heartbreaking -- which is why Unreal is pleased to announce...Unreal's Entirely 100% Unauthorized August Busch IV Dating Contest!
If you've always secretly wanted to date a fabulously wealthy former beer executive -- and let's face it, who hasn't? -- this is your chance!
Simply send Unreal a brief essay (200 words max.) telling why you're
the perfect match for Busch IV. If you like, you may include a photo of
We can't promise the deposed King of Beers will bite, but we will post your heartfelt sentiments on this blog, and
we'll do our level best to pass them, as well as your photo, along to A4 himself.
Ladies and gentlemen alike are welcome.
Address all entries to email@example.com
You don't have to supply your real name, but contact info (an e-mail
address is fine) is a must. And fake photos -- or photos of your
hotter-than-thou roommate -- are tacky as tacky can be, and then some.