Oh, they delivered on cuteness, these mini pirates and fairies. But most didn't even bother preparing a routine. No-ho
, just kept plunging their chubby stupid child-fingers into our plastic pumpkin.
WTF kiddos? Couldn't get together a shitty knock-knock this year? Did Oct. 31 creep up on you? You must be crazy-busy with all that Kindergarten, and naps. Just who
do you bastards think you are?
And then, the jokes we actually did hear were equally disappointing. Here's a sampler (none of these are made-up):
Uh what? Secondly, how did you manage to bomb with a
tried-and-true formula? Congrats on wasting our time. Here's a Snicker's
bar. You're a burden on America.
2) What does a jack-o-lantern do when he gets an owie?
He uses a pumpkin patch.
The pun is kind of awkward, just like your
costume - can't tell if you're a ghost or some kind of child laborer.
Neither would be funny. But we'll give you an "E" for "Effort-lacking
3) Why did the vampire kiss the girl?
Because he liked her.
Jesus you're an amateur. Look, maybe that little misdirection killed
over across the street, but on our front porch, you come heavy or you
don't come at all. Capisce?
4) What kind of crow is highly dangerous?
A crow with a machine gun.
Hmm. Absurdist, with a healthy dollop of nihilism. Also, delivered dead-pan by a
kid with braces. Best effort of the night, we would say. You've got
talent, kid. Related content: Top 10 Halloween Jokes (as Told by Kids Age 3-8)
The real joke in our 'hood this Halloween, to be frank, was the quote-unquote entertainment provided by trick-or-treaters.