Skip Schumaker

The Cardinals' Offensively Awesome Offense

So the Cardinals actually managed to finish off the sweep of the Houston Astros yesterday. I have to admit, I'm a little surprised they pulled it off. Not because the Astros are a particularly tough test; they are far and away the worst team in baseball, and the fact Jeff Luhnow has decided to ... More >>

Allen Craig to Return Tonight

The Cardinals have been one of the best offensive teams in all of baseball so far this season, ranking behind only three American League teams (who obviously have the benefit of the designated hitter), as far as OPS. In runs scored, the Atlanta Braves currently have an edge on the Cards for the top ... More >>

Skip Schumaker Rally Squirrel Card Going For $255

​The previously mocked Skip Schumaker Rally Squirrel baseball card from Topps is successfully being sold for $255 on eBay. The actual Skip Schumaker card from the same series is going for $1, with a $2 charge for shipping and handling. Also, it seems you can return the real Skip card if you don't ... More >>

Pujols 5 Is Changing Its Name, but Sadly Not to Any of These Suggestions

(c) 2012 ToppsAnd take your restaurant with you, mang!​Pujols 5 Westport Grill (342 Westport Plaza, Maryland Heights; 314-439-0595) is no more. With Albert Anaheim-bound, the owners of the restaurant bearing his name and number announced today that, effective immediately, it will be known as t ... More >>

Skip Schumaker's Baseball Card Is Nuts, But Not The Worst Ever

(c) Topps Inc.​Topps is just screwing with Cardinals fans now. According to Rick Chandler at Off The Bench, Skip Schumaker's baseball card in the forthcoming Topps' Series 1 features Schumaker's right ankle only, with most of the card given over to the Rally Squirrel.A spokesman for Topps said the ... More >>

Cardinals re-sign Schumaker, but why?

Cardinals Re-Sign Skip Schumaker; Local Columnist Sighs Deeply and Shakes Head

Image Via​I have a piece of advice for anyone out there who has an athletic child. If your child has the choice of playing football or baseball, you push him toward baseball. Given the choice between basketball and baseball, choose baseball. Soccer or baseball? Always baseball. Oh, you say he coul ... More >>

Four Cardinals Starters Batting Sub-200 Through Series

If this image looks like it came from an E-D website, there's good reason for that.​First of all, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, yesterday was not the colossal St. Louis sports failure that you made it out to be during last night's World Series broadcast. No one in their right mind here in St. Louis t ... More >>

Cardinals Earn Dubious Distinction: Hit Into Most Double Plays in NL History

​Well, folks, it finally happened. The Cardinals last night wrote themselves into the record books. Regardless of whether the Redbirds squeak out a wild-card birth over the next two days, the 2011 season will live in infamy. Last night, en route to a soul-crushing 5-4 extra innings loss to th ... More >>

How to Ruin a Roster Without Even Trying

John Mozeliak, left, and Tony LaRussa celebrate their latest brilliant maneuver. ​​Cardinal management has really outdone themselves this time. I've actually been pleasantly surprised by the job Tony LaRussa and Company have done managing the 2011 team to this point, but this is just mind-numbin ... More >>

Cardinals On Pace To Shatter MLB Record for Hitting Into Double Plays

Would you believe this was the cleanest image I could find to go along with this article? ​No, the DP Blues is not what an adult film starlet gets after a particularly taxing week at work. The DP Blues is what the Cardinals have right now, and have had ever since Albert Pujols grounded into not on ... More >>

5 Lessons From the Cardinals' First Three Games

All right, listen up, kids. This moderately attractive and no doubt long-dead teacher from Pleasantville is gonna learn you up reeeaal nice. ​One series in the can, god only knows how many more to go in the baseball season. Unfortunately, 2011 hasn't exactly begun in stellar fashion for the Redbir ... More >>

It's Cardinals Time! St. Louis Cardinals Opening Day 2011

Music to Swing To: An at-bat tune can tell you a lot about a player

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em: Think of the 2011 Redbirds as your emphysemic, three-pack-a-day uncle

5 Worst Wines with Which to Celebrate American Wine Appreciation Week

www.motifake.com​According to the Internets, the week of February 21 is American Wine Appreciation Week, so christened in 1993 by our nation's 42nd president, William Jefferson Clinton. The celebration kicked off this past Friday with a pre-party (as it were) known as National Drink Wine Day ... More >>

What the Rams Can Learn From the Jets Defeat of Patriots

commons.wikimedia.orgBill Belichick is still the smartest coach in the NFL. He doesn't make many plays on the field, though. ​It wasn't supposed to end like this for the New England Patriots. It wasn't supposed to be this way at all. They were the unbeatable playoff monster, the team that put up 3 ... More >>

Five Picks for Cardinals' Rule 5 Draft

Players line up to be fawned over and poked at in preparation for the Rule 5 draft. ​Baseball's Winter Meetings will come to an end today, with the annual Rule 5 draft one of the final items on the itinerary. In case you aren't familiar with the Rule 5 draft, here's a decent overview of how it all ... More >>

Cardinals Acquire Ryan Theriot; Columnist Scrambles for Non-Abusive Commentary

Get it? 'Cause it's the Riot? Hahahahaha! ​The Cardinals have completed a trade with the Los Angeles Dodgers for infielder Ryan Theriot, sending Blake Hawksworth to LA in return. Blake takes with him a wickedly awesome name and much less wickedly awesome pitching skills. Theriot brings versatility ... More >>

The Cardinals Have an Infield Question; The Import Market May Have an Answer

​Okay, before everyone gets all pissed off at me, I don't have anything personal against Skip Schumaker. I don't. Scout's honor. I mean, I don't really get the whole handsome thing with Skip, but that's mostly a matter of taste. I'll swoon at the mere mention of Joe Mather, and every so often in j ... More >>

The Ryan Ludwick Deal in Hindsight

commons.wikimedia.org​Ryan Ludwick is coming back to St. Louis, y'all! Okay, so he's not coming back the way you're probably hoping. He'll just be coming back to play against the Cardinals as part of a San Diego Padres team which suddenly finds itself in the midst of a fight for its playoff l ... More >>

Wainwright, Schumaker Caught Relieving Tension of Long Season

Quick, does it look like Cardinals players Adam Wainwright and Skip Schumaker are, um, gratifying each other here? H/T: Deadspin.Still, when it comes to great moments revolving sports and pantomime penis pulling, nothing tops the video of that Texas Tech bell ringer from a few years ago. Classic. Ju ... More >>

Skip Schumaker Objects to Column; Finds Support Among Blind Squirrel, Broken Clock Communities

commons.wikimedia.orgSkip Schumaker, almost assuredly putting a ball into the bleachers somewhere. ​Apparently Skip Schumaker doesn't like conjecture he may, in fact, be the worst everyday player in the big leagues. Of course, the first grand slam of his career doesn't change anything beyond last ... More >>

Skip Schumaker Nominated as Worst Player in Baseball

commons.wikimedia.orgSchumaker, almost assuredly grounding out to the right side. ​Joe Posnanski, who every year hands out a Least Valuable Player award to the player who exemplifies the principles of failing to help their team in any measurable way, shape, or form, has unofficially nominated ten ... More >>

Five Keys to the Cardinals' Second Half

Hey, it's a key, it works. (Also a forgotten classic of power pop you should totally pick up if you ever see it like at a yard sale or something.) ​The second "half" of the baseball season kicks off for the Cardinals tonight (and I put "half" in quotes because technically we passed the halfw ... More >>

The Cardinals Weekend Review: A Royal Letdown

This Royal did NOT start against the Cardinals over the weekend; however, I'm convinced he could have thrown six shutout without much of a problem. ​So the 2010 edition of the I-70 series went about as poorly as one could possibly imagine. The Cardinals managed to lose two of three, Aaron Miles pl ... More >>

St. Louis Cardinals Twitter Accounts You Should Follow

​Keep up on the latest 140-character bursts of news, humor and statistics related to the St. Louis Cardinals on Twitter with this list of accounts you should follow, curated by the RFT staff. The tweeters below are all real people with opinions and we've excluded those Twitter accounts that simply ... More >>

Is McGwire to Blame for Cardinals' Lack of Offensive? The Numbers Don't Suggest It

So a little over a month into the season, the Cardinals' pitching, particularly the starting pitching, has been absolutely exquisite, while the offense has been, um, let's see...what's the opposite of exquisite? Maybe not the opposite, actually; how about something that's well short of exquisite but ... More >>

The Philadelphia Story: A Progress Report One Month In

​It was supposed to be the Cardinals' measuring stick for the young season, this trip to Philadelphia. Up until now the Cards had looked like the 700-pound red gorilla of old, stomping on opponents left and right and running up a big lead over the rest of a mediocre division. Going to Philly, thou ... More >>

Skip Schumaker: Two-Year Deal, Still Zero Respect

encoretheater.orgThe Elves being referred to here? The ones working behind the scenes to get the job done? Oh, yeah, that was me. ​Okay, now I don't expect a bunch of thanks or anything from everybody, but I want you all to know. I was instrumental in the Cardinals and Skip Schumaker getting a dea ... More >>

Back In the Saddle (Hopefully, Anyway)

For the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling really kind of rough. Not sick, necessarily, but just not all that well. Every few days, I would feel a little better, but then the next day it would be right back down. I had a hell of a time mustering the wherewithall to complete much of anything. No ... More >>

Game Notes: Brewers 4, Cardinals 3 03/09/09 -- Opportunity, Missed.

-- I really, really hate Casey McGehee. I don't know how else to say it, so there it is. No real personal beef with the guy, mind you, but when you pick up nine RBIs in a single series against the Cardinals, you're just going to have to deal with me not liking you. It's really only fitting the Brewe ... More >>

The Cardinals Second Half Preview

First, and most importantly, you'll have to forgive the lack of a clever title. I thought and thought, then thought some more, and really just didn't like any of the options I came up with. Some were too obscure, some not obscure enough, some didn't make much sense, still others lacked any tie to th ... More >>

Readers are mad for (and about) St. Louis' most famous Hungarian

Cardinals Post-Game Notes: April 16, 2009

Just a couple of quick impressions from the Cards' first contest of the year against the Chicago Nine.  

Baseball Card of the Week: Skip "2B" Schumaker

Well, it's already gone much, much further than I ever thought it would. The Skip Schumaker Experiment at second base is going to continue in to the regular season. Of course, we all pretty much knew that by now, but having it announced by the team's General Manager sort of brings it home a bit ... More >>

Top 10 Stories about the 2009 St. Louis Cardinals

Spring training is officially underway, with real, no-foolin' games being played and everything. The beginning of a long, twisty road that leads through summer and into autumn, hopefully ending late in October with a nice, new piece of hardware to add to the trophy case at Busch Stadium.At the very ... More >>

Bargain Shopping, the Cardinal Way

Ah, January. Bringer of frigid temperatures, NFL playoff games, and suicides by the bucketful. The holiday season is officially over. Christmas has come and gone, and the New Year has been rung. Truly, these are the darkest days of all for the retail industry. Thus, one other thing always comes ... More >>

There's a Logjam in the Cardinals Outfield

Four Positive Notes for the Cardinals at the All-Star Break

The Cardinals: Where Do They Go From Here?

Ludwick Leading Cardinal Offense, Really

Cards Blog: Searching for Answers in a Frustrating Roadtrip

Cards Blog: Searching for Answers in a Frustrating Roadtrip

Simply Offensive: The Cardinals' Attack

Simply Offensive: The Cardinals' Attack

Cards Blog: What to Watch for Against the Nats

Cards Blog: What to Watch for Against the Nats