There comes a time in every young danseuse's life when she realizes that her regular old dance school, with its yearly dance recitals, probably isn't going to help her achieve her goal of becoming a real adult ballerina. Lithe and toned, yes. Pro ballerina, sadly, no (this probably happens at about the same time that young boys realize they won't be pro sports players -- or professional dancers). Dancing full-time takes a lot of training and even more regimented self-discipline. That's why it's better left to the expert goal-achievers at Saint Louis Ballet. The company's summer season is summed up at 3:30 p.m. at St. Charles Community College's Donald D. Shook Fine Arts Theater (4601 Mid Rivers Mall Drive, St. Peters, Missouri; call 636-537-1950 for reservations; $10 to $12). Dancers and the noncoordinated alike will appreciate the choreographic beauty and grace of the legendary George Balanchine's "Valse Fantasie" and artistic director Gen Horiuchi's contemporary "Elliptique." And remember: The appreciation of seeing someone else's dream fulfilled is better than nothing. -- Alison Sieloff
Hey, fellas: Next time you're giving your lady a foot massage, be aware, be very aware. That tingling in your scalp may not be your shampoo working. Nope, your Spidey-sense may be picking up on something far more sinister. Your lady may be manipulating you. She may be taking the relationship reins from your manly hands. She may even make you like it. Has she read Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men (or any of the other Mama Gena books)? Has she taken courses from Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts? Is she going to see Mama Gena in person at the St. Louis County Library headquarters (1640 South Lindbergh Boulevard; 314-994-3300) at 7 p.m.? If so, pay close attention to her behavior. Look for signs of hedonism or "sister goddess"-ness, such as long hot baths, long hot talks or long hot anything else. Don't say we didn't warn you. Hear for yourself why the philosophical world is on tilt. -- Jedidiah Ayres
If It Ain't Baroque
Don't Fix It
Johann Michael Haydn may not be as well-known as his older brother (Franz) Joseph, but he was no slouch in the composition department, either. The Comic Intermezzo performs the younger Haydn's comic opera, The Double Bass Player from Würgl, at 3 p.m. at the Bethel Lutheran Church (7001 Forsyth Boulevard; 314-863-1111) as part of the Saint Louis Baroque Festival. There's a $10 suggested-donation request at the door, but afterward you'll have the satisfaction of correcting people when they assume the Haydn opera you're raving about is a Joseph. Smugness is easily worth $10, no? -- Paul Friswold
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