"Caught in the act? Yeah, I was on the back porch with this girl, trying to hide. I was already paranoid, thinking somebody was gonna walk out. And then it happened: My uncle comes out: 'Hey, what you doin' back there?' 'Oh, nothing.' I didn't stop, I'll tell you that. I had to finish the job. Already got caught, so what the hell -- go for the gusto."
Proprietor, O'Malley's Irish Gift Shop
"When I was thirteen years old I found out that I could get happy in the bathtub, rubbing that little fellow with soapy water. And I was devoted to it for a while there, until I got caught by my dad one day. He already suspected it. And by the way, that thing I was doing? He called me that a few times, too."
Proprietor, the Elephant's Trunk Antiques -- Caseyville, Illinois
"I was caught in Fairgrounds Park when I was seventeen. My husband and I were living with his mom in a two-room apartment, and we slept in the kitchen on a daybed. That didn't leave us much privacy, so we drove to the park, and we're fooling around in the back seat when a cop came up: 'What are you two doing?' So I told him the story and he said, 'Well, don't be doin' it up here!'"
Brands Manager, Middendorf Meats
"When I was seven I got caught stealing a candy bar from the National supermarket -- it was a Butterfinger; they're good! But the manager came up to me as I was leaving, and he felt my pocket and he said, 'Son, what's this? Did you pay for that?' He let me go, yeah, and he may have saved me from a life of crime, although he warned me that he'd be watching me and never to come back. Now the place is a Streetside Records and I still can't go in there."
Spokesman, the Hair Club for Men
"Of course! I went to Catholic school for thirteen years. The nuns see every act you commit, whether they're present or not. Therefore, you're caught in every act because you're perpetually guilty."
Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.