"Crabs. They're easy to cure, though I'd prefer no diseases whatsoever. All I can say, you take it one day at a time, because you never know what's coming along."
Program Director, Grace Hill Neighborhood Association
"Some diseases are not all that bad; they can give you a pleasurable kind of pain or put you in a different time and space where your mind wouldn't otherwise go you learn to see things. I like the flu, because sometimes I'm so feverish I have the most wonderful dreams. That's why I never get flu shots."
Social Worker, Medium-Security Institution
"Chickenpox. It's itchy, yeah, but so is life. And it goes away on its own that's the important thing. They got to go away. What'd you think I'd say, cancer? Get real."
Graphic Artist, Priority One Screen Printing
"I want glaucoma so I can smoke marijuana cigarettes all day, legally. And they come already rolled tell me that isn't a hook-up. God bless the government."
Cook, Café Balaban
"I've had most of them: clap, hep and all the childhood diseases. How about one you wouldn't want? The one I wouldn't want is AIDS. It's such a terrible, painful way to go I'd shoot myself."
"Disease, huh? Not anything where I have to wear Depends that'd just make my hips look bigger. And not anything where I'd have to wear a colostomy bag that'd be kind of weird if I'm on a date. I guess if I had to have a disease, I'd be a klepto, a really good klepto. That way I'm not hurting anybody directly."
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