Feature, September 21, 2005 We were just wondering what our millions of readers want: Regarding Mike Seely's "Alley Cat," why don't you just say, "Somebody forgot to tell this corn-rowed nigger Emil Williams Jr. that bowling is for fat, beer-guzzling honkies"? I'll tell you why you wouldn't print that. Because then you'd really be accused of racism by a lot of people. Nowadays people have become used to the double standard that you cannot say the n-word, but you can call white people whatever you want.
Well, I am accusing you of racism against white people. Maybe there's some truth to bowling being dominated by a certain demographic. But does the color of a bowling fan's skin have anything to do with their validity as people or the hobby they like to pursue? By printing the word "honkies," you suggest it does, and I don't appreciate that. Cut the racism bullshit. The millions of us reading your magazine just want to be considered "people." RFT, you've got some explaining to do.
Geoff Koch, Valley Park
News Real, October 19, 2005 Hands off NOLA, you mean man! In regard to Tom Finkel's Tom Finkel's "New St. Louis," I am writing to tell you what a blazing idiot of a man you are. As a fifteen-year-old New Orleans resident who is currently staying with an unbelievably nice host family in St. Louis while my city is being rebuilt, I can tell you your article about moving New Orleans up the river "a few miles" is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. I've met nothing but incredibly nice people here, but I must say, you are an ignorant, mean man. You write St. Louis and New Orleans are similar in their gaming, with the Mississippi and Mardi Gras.
Mardi Gras!? You wouldn't know what Mardi Gras was if a drunken Zulu king hit you with a precious coconut. NOLA, unlike St. Louis, has a rich and diverse culture and history that cannot simply be "relocated." New Orleans will rise again and will be better (hard to imagine) than before. And then you'll wish you could just "relocate" down the river.
Chelsea Rivera, Glendale
Feature, December 15, 2005
What the hell, indeed: With regard to Chad Garrison's story, "Pray the Gay Away," when I relocated to St. Louis from California this past summer, I made a concerted effort not to look down my nose at the local yokels and their quirky ways. "They can't all be a bunch of inbred halfwits," I thought.
What the hell is going on in this city? You have repressed, barely literate "ex-gay" ministers trying to turn gay people straight and a Pride committee that would give Jerry Springer a wet dream. Missouri is a giant Baptist trailer park and the city of St. Louis is its meth lab. I can't wait to finish my Ph.D. at Washington University so I can get back to the real world.
Peter Cabrera, St. Louis
And don't let the door hit you on the way out! It is pity indeed that Peter Cabrera's academic record did not allow him to pursue his extended education in his home state. What a windfall for us "yokels" to have an individual of his keen wit and even-handed nature among us to point out our collective shortcomings. As everyone knows, California is the pinnacle of man's evolution and there are certainly no ignorant halfwits who call that slice of utopia home.
I wish Cabrera swift success in achieving his Ph.D. The world can't wait an extra minute for a man of his far-reaching insights to be unleashed from the insulated confines of academia.
Barbara Givens, St. Louis
Feature, January 5, 2006 ...It's starting to smell...: The writer who once described Hanson as "uncompromisingly artistic," was not fired and has recently published her first feature article, entitled, "Brie Johnson Takes Her Shirt Off...and Thinks It's Funny." Or something [Julie Seabaugh, "Girl Walks into a Comedy Club..."]. Focused on Brie's struggle from Wal-Mart shopping to comedy fame, the article did less for female comics than Jerry Lewis. By her choice to promote a female comic who relies purely on shock value, she has confirmed what is already suspected: Women aren't funny.
As a female comic, I take personal offense to both Brie (I hope your tits shrivel up and fall off) and Julie Seabaugh (I feel sorry for anything that has ever been in your mouth).
Please do not misconstrue my intent. There is no jealousy involved. In fact, if ever asked to pose naked for an article about female comics, my response would have been, "Interview over and I hope your whole family dies." So in the future, Julie, try to read a book and get some taste before picking up that pen. You may be young and without enough experience to judge things, but the least you could do is realize it. Spare the rest of the pain of your misfortune. To get you started, there are two things you should look for in a comic: material and the ability to keep a shirt on.
Best of luck. You'll need it.
Andi Smith, St. Louis
Bob calls bullshit: To Jeremy Essig, Andi Smith, Tom Clyde, Lauren O'Niell and the comedy letter coward: I think you guys take yourselves way too seriously. What almighty cloud do you reside on? We are talking about comedy, for kripes sake! I call bullshit where you say it's not jealousy that made you write to say Brie Johnson was not a good way for the Riverfront Times to spotlight comedy. It was so transparent, a blind man could have read between the lines.
You don't like her jokes or brand of humor; you think there are better comics out there; you know who they are. Comedy has always transformed itself and created its stars from those that expand the envelope, or tear it a new asshole. And as far as that goes, I think a little of Brie's favorite pastime would go a long way towards loosening you guys up!
Who knows whether Brie Johnson will get anywhere? Maybe, maybe not. But your letters were so closely worded, it sure sounded like a gang bang to me.
Bob Osterholt, St. Louis
Issue Of May 11, 2006
Almost resembles an actual compliment: Well, OK, finally a not terrible issue of the paper. A cover story on who exactly it is who drives all those trucks we depend on to deliver the consumer culture to our doorsteps; a piece on censorship in what amounts to the public square, Wi-Fi networks; an interview with a band that includes at least one musician who speaks intelligently about punk music; and a calendar item on the emerging arts district on Cherokee. Almost resembles actual journalism.
I don't think anyone needs to read about Ruth's Chris, but hey, let Rose Martelli misfire every once in a while. Why can't a larger part of the paper be like this more often?
R. Willis, St. Louis
Unreal, June 22, 2006 Blatant, secular, progressive thrust: I admit I am only a casual and occasional (and suburbanite) RFT reader at best. But even I can see the blatant, secular, progressive thrust at trying to promote a gay day at a Cardinals game by putting a rainbow Cardinals logo and teaser headline on the cover but only a less-than-ten-paragraph blurb in the Unreal section concerning the matter.
Personally, I could care less if it happens. But surely you can do better than that if you want to push your agenda. I dare you.
Bob Flynn, St. Peters
Feature, June 29, 2006 Feel the noise: I love the Maddhouse Clique, Mistah Creepy, Nuttin Nyce, Hellsent and the Wet Grimlinz. I started listening to their music a few months ago and it really just fuckin' touches you and makes you feel what they are feeling. I help promote their music as one of their Street Sweepers.
I wouldn't want to be trying to get people to listen to anyone's music but theirs, because I love them guys and because they are going places and are gonna make it. And hopefully Ben Westhoff's "Bloodsuckahz" will help them make it there. Thanks for that.
Courtney Hudson, St. Louis
Kind of sad: So this guy is 24, pretends to be a vampire and still lives with his mother? That's not scary. That's just kind of sad.
Nina Hayward, University City
Cover, July 27, 2006 Pandering to our demographic: I happened to notice the cover of your "news"weekly and was appalled by what I saw a picture of the president of the greatest country in the world made to appear like Bin Laden.. You traitors are a real treat. You can't stand the fact that someone has the balls to stand up for what is right while you hide behind the First Amendment with your cowardly selves trying to get your worthless message across to any high-school-dropout, drug-using anal-copulation queen who will read it. Good luck.
Call me sometime, pussy.
Kurt R. Kostecki, Cottleville
...And balls: I read the crap from Susan Boland and Kurt R. Kostecki about not having the balls to stand up for what is right. I spent a year in Vietnam and got spit on when I came home. My son spent six months in Saudi Arabia and six months in Iraq. We both "harvested" enemy troops, me in 1966 and him in 1991. The only reason we are in Iraq now is for Bush to cover his daddy's ass.
It's easy to defend your reasons to stir up crap when you kept the Guard from being overrun in Georgia and Alabama. My hero! Think I'm a pussy? Kostecki couldn't hold my "chicken-shit" balls with Cheney's hands, so shove it. Call me, pussy.
I have seven kids, twenty-one grandkids and three great-grandkids. Does it sound like I'm into anal copulation?
Larry Erker, St. Louis
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