What Is Your Latest Theory?
Delivery Guy, Guido's Pizza
"It's called the one-shoe theory. You know how you're driving along and you see one shoe sitting there in the street? It's always just the one shoe. Where's the other shoe? Well, I think there is no other shoe. Never was. A one-legged person lost that shoe."
Does It Bother You That We're on Color-Coded Alerts?
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
"I'm waiting for the lavender code so all gay people can get legally married."
What's the Rudest Thing Anyone Has Said to You? (May 14)
English Instructor, International Institute
"This guy's trying to give me a pep talk about how he admires me, being in a wheelchair and still I'm always laughing and joking around. And then he says to me, 'Yeah, because if I was in your situation, I'd blow my brains out.' Thanks a lot, buddy. He actually thought he was doing me a favor, coming by and being life's little cheerleader. I'd rather be me than him any day of the week."
Do You Consider Yourself a Citizen of the Planet?
Hog Farmer -- Vienna, Illinois
"No, I'm not from here. I'm just passing through."
What Sort of Tricks Do You Like to Play on People? (October 8)
"We wait for a guy to pass out and shave his eyebrows. If we have lipstick, we put lipstick on him, eye shadow, all that stuff, make him look nice and pretty. And pictures -- pictures are important to show him later on or to send to his girlfriend."
What Do You Have to be Thankful For? (November 26)
Cotton Candy Vendor, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
"I'm thankful I get to ride the circus train. Whenever we go through a town, people smile and wave at the train because they know in their hearts that this train brings fun and goodwill to all, no matter their race. I've never seen people wave at the Amtrak train. When I retire I'm going to build me a cabin by the railroad track so I can wave, too."
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