What Is Your Secret Phobia?
Corporate Writer, Buck Consultants
"I've had one since I was a little kid: What if everyone in the world can read minds except me, and my entire world, as I experience it, is just a big front, maybe some kind of experiment? It's not true, is it?"
What Was Your Last Brush with Danger?
Curator/Site Manager, Campbell House Museum
"Well, my last job I did a lot of filing, and there was always the looming threat of paper cuts, probably the worst pain under the sun. And paper cuts are very dangerous. What if they get infected?"
How Do You Envision God?
"God is like a good pair of shoes or a good hat. It makes you happy, walking through life with a good pair of shoes and a good hat. God is a creation. Happiness is a creation. I'm happy, I'm here."
Does a Major Plane Crash Discourage You from Air Travel?
"Depends. If there's a crash just before my flight, I study my horoscope a lot more. I'm a vertigo man; I don't usually ask for the window seat. I can't cope with 35,000 feet between me and the earth. I look at my fellow passengers and see they're fooled into believing technology is safe. My personal feeling, statistics aside, I'm more aware of the risks than they are."
Why Buy Life Insurance If You Don't Really Have a Life?
"Everybody runs around saying, "Get a life, get a life.' It's like saying nothing matters. It seems that our whole society is based on that negativism. I'm saying I have a life, in Jesus Christ. When I die, I'm going to heaven -- there's my life insurance."
What Is the Most Attractive Part of Your Anatomy?
"I like my booty. I like the roundness of it, how big it is. My sisters all have flat butts, and I feel sorry for them. People make comments, sometimes inappropriate, but I like it when my boyfriend looks at my booty and says he likes it."
Is It OK to Shop Out of Someone's Unattended Cart at the Supermarket?
Dishwasher, Brandt's Market Cafe
"No, that's not cool. That's like stealing. Why you want what they want, anyway? If they have something you like, you can go get it yourself. And if you take theirs and they see it, it might start a conflict."
What Is Your Deep, Dark Secret?
Guitar, Domino Kings
"I'm really a black lesbian. I'm trapped in the body of a white redneck. I don't even like four-wheel drive or AM radio."
How Would You Describe Your Fashion Sense?
"In summer, I wear as little as I can get away with, and I wear black because it doesn't show dirt. I wouldn't dream of wearing a bra or high heels or anything that's tight. It's like bondage, only not sexual -- so what's the point?"
What's the Most Bothersome Thing About Middle Age?
"People calling you "ma'am' -- or in Mexico it's "señora' -- and you still feel like a "Ms." or a "muchacha.'"
Flaccid or Turgid?
"I gotta tell ya, since I started dating this gal over the last few months, I'm thinking turgid, and I owe it all to her -- no drugs, no Viagra, just pure sex drive."
What Cybercrime Activity Worries You Most?
"I don't know which is worse, someone messing with my credit or a stalker, and I speak from personal experience. Credit-card tampering -- there goes your credit. The chat-room schizo guy, after I got up the nerve to meet him, I had to get a restraining order against him. Now he's not allowed to come near me, call me, page me or even e-mail me."
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