Childproof Cap Tester, Acme Pharmaceuticals
"Living in the First World, where we have a holiday that is specifically designated for stuffing yourself like the pig that you are!"
"I'm thankful for the one drunk uncle at holiday parties. He's three sheets to the wind, singing the refrain instead of the verse as the mother looks on disapprovingly. I like him especially at Thanksgiving, when everyone gets up and says what they're thankful for and me and the drunk uncle are sitting in the corner, giggling. And he always adds his funny version of grace, like, 'rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.' God bless the drunken uncle."
Vigilante Tree Planter
"I'm thankful that I love my work so much that I feel guilty taking money for doing it."
Owner-Repairman, Dent Squad Paintless Dent Removal
"You know what I'm thankful for? I'm thankful for being born with flat feet, because they kept me out of Vietnam -- and that's the truth!"
Criminology Student, University of Missouri -
"I'm thankful for Elvis -- without him, where would music be today? I think he helped with desegregation. I mean, as a country white boy playing black music, he crossed racial boundaries so that whites and blacks could come together and enjoy the same music. He brought it on. He was beautiful."
Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.