Customer Service, Einstein's Bagels
"When I was a roadie for Insane Clown Posse, lots of women would come on to me, usually older ones, and the thing I always hated to hear was 'I'll do anything for you ... to meet the band.' They'd get on their knees, beg, and wouldn't let go of me. It was embarrassing, but those guys didn't want me bringing in strange women. They had their own women they brought backstage."
"I've heard 'Your legs must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night.' Yeah, that sure is romantic -- and one reason why I think there are no good pickup lines. I had a guy last week comment that my hair was working very well for me, but he was gay, and that doesn't count."
"The worst was 'Are you really Jewish?' I said, 'No, I'm a Puerto Rican in disguise.' The best was at a party. A lady says, 'You see that $37 million dollar home across the street? Would you like to live there? All you have to do is marry the woman that owns it.' And she batted her eyes at me. I'd be living there today, but she was 78 and I was 19-and-a-half at the time."
Show Assistant, Steve and DC
"The best is always 'Hi, my name is Mike or Joe or whatever -- can I buy you a drink?' That works at least enough to start a conversation. The cheesiest line I've ever heard is 'You have beautiful eyes. Someone must have stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes, they sparkle so much.' I was sort of blunt, and so I was, like, 'Come on, just be yourself. You don't have to say something idiotic like that.'"
"Well, I don't remember anyone ever hittin' on me, but what I would say -- and have said -- is, 'Do you know anything about real estate?' And while she's thinking about that, you unzip your fly and pull it out and ask, 'Is this a lot?' I think they get a kick out of that."
Assistant Production Coordinator, Illustrated Man Productions
"'Can I buy you a drink?' All my girlfriends say that's always a sure way in. Also, if a guy buys you a drink from across the bar and doesn't come over to talk, that's even better! As far as the worst, this was a nonverbal thing, but one time I was in a bar and a guy came out of nowhere and grabbed my chest, and I about smacked him. Instead, I had him thrown out of the bar."
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