Merry X-mas, Mr. Abhorrence

If you like Jackass, get yourself to Pop's on Friday

Don't Try This at Home, featuring Steve-O from Jackass

Pop's, 408 Monsanto Avenue in Sauget, Illinois

8 p.m. Friday, December 20, for ages eighteen and older. Call 314-241-1888 for tickets, priced at $20.

For anyone who thought there was even the slightest bit of irony in Jackass henchman Steve-O's shtick, you're deadeye wrong, snoopafella. Homeboy is as advertised: arguably the most juvenile, crass creature on the planet -- and he revels in it.

So if you also revel in vulgarity, check out Steve-O at Pop's in Sauget this Friday, sicko. His stage show is basically a live-theater version of what he does on Johnny Knoxville's mega-hit TV show. This should be taken to mean, of course, lots of bodily fluids, exposed wee-wees, crude tattoos and sand crabs latching onto Steve's rump.

"Our stage show revolves around us getting really wasted before your eyes," says Steve-O by phone. He's en route to New Hampshire in a beat-up rig with his publicist and handlers (i.e., the gentlemen who hold the cartons from which Steve-O draws and hurls his vandalistic eggs on the turnpike). "I'm very forthcoming with bodily fluids. We used to puke a lot on TV, but they started cracking down on that. When I hurt myself, it's only to make people happy."

What you may or may not know about Jackass' zaniest provocateur -- whose real name is Steven Gilchrist Glover (no relation to Crispin, we think) -- is that he's actually had professional training. Of what sort? Doy! -- Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Clown College in Florida. It's interesting, though, that he refuses to comment ad nauseam on the Citizen Kane of alcoholic-clown movies, Shakes the Clown, instead choosing to fart into the phone.

The boys are having trouble making it out of New York City for their gig in Manchester because of a "huge weekend of PCP," according to Steve-O.

"PCP made me feel pretty good about myself," he reflects. "I came to the realization that I'm professionally conceited. I smoked a lot of weed earlier. I puked from Nick's [his publicist's] farts. His ass is a nuclear weapon."

If the crowd in Sauget -- a city that, from here on out, is to be referred to as St. Vegas -- is reasonably horribly behaved, a money shot of Steve-O's admittedly tiny dick is virtually guaranteed. But those who choose to focus on the tree are missing the all-important forest.

"My balls are big," Steve-O proudly volunteers.

Indeed, Steve's elephant rocks got a workout recently with his tequila-swilling setup on Blind Date.

"I fucked the girl I went on Blind Date with," he claims. "It took me two months, but I did it. She was a lingerie model, which to me means 'stripper.' It's not even a loose correlation; it's one and the same."

Speaking of strippers, rumor has it that Party Boy will be sliding down chrome poles with St. Vegas' finest strippers at the Diamond Cabaret afterwards. After all, they've had the training.

"We had a training session with real male strippers," says Steve-O of himself and his castmates. "My roommate's a male stripper. My roommate's not gay -- only when the money's right."

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