St. Louis Weather Report: What the Shit is This Stuff Falling From the Sky?

Was it not just yesterday that we were wearing T-shirts outdoors and taking walks through crunchy leaves in the park?

We were loving it all and planning on enjoying a nice mild fall season. We were planning to drink mochas and smile as we pulled on cozy sweaters, happy to snuggle up with our boo on the couch and watch a film. We were going to cover ourselves with a blanket and giggle about our cold little toes. We were going to wear scarves for fashion only, damn it.

And now this. This sudden and extreme winter weather has come to ruin all of our lives forever. (Or at least until spring.) Forget about crisp air and your cute fall outfits, we’ve skipped all of that and gone into straight-up survival mode.

Go into your closet and dig out that ugly coat that looks like a sleeping bag with arms because you’re going to need it. The ice has already moved through the area, and now we’re left with all of these big fat flakes of snow. The ground went from clear to covered in less than two hours.

Not only does fall not exist in St. Louis anymore, but this winter is rolling in here like it owns the place. CNN says “absurdly cold weather” is taking over the country and that this polar vortex means that “roughly 224 million people will endure below-freezing conditions.”

Local news organizations say that most of the area will see less than two inches of snow, but, honestly, that’s all it takes for traffic to get screwed up. There has already been a chorus of ambulance sirens singing in the streets all morning.

So we may not have a fall season anymore, but we can still be grateful if we’ve not already been involved in an accident today or if we have a warm home and a nice coat to protect ourselves from the evil raging outside.

If you have an extra coat that you don’t use, you can find it a better home at OneWarmCoat.org. Just enter your zip code and you can find all of the drop-off locations near you hosting coat drives.

Stay warm and cranky, St. Louis.

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