This 'Male Milking Machine' Being Sold on Facebook Could Get You Through The Pandemic

click to enlarge Your new best friend? - Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
Your new best friend?

Now that everything has been locked down again, you might not be sure what you’re going to do to make it through the tough winter months ahead.

But if you’re a lonely fella who is concerned about prostate health, this “male milking machine” being sold on Facebook Marketplace might be just the thing you need to keep your wellness on track.

Though it looks like a mailbox, this thing is called the “Raging Bull Machine” and was originally sold on ShopMaleMilkingMachine.com. It seems like a strong little sucker, too. The product boasts all-steel construction and “powerful 107 cubic feet per minute suction.”

It also appears to come with a selection of attachments for various other milking-related activities. We're not sure what all of the attachments do, but since this is the Midwest, surely some local farmer could help you figure it out.

click to enlarge Better ask a farmer for help with these. - Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
Better ask a farmer for help with these.

The machine being advertised on Facebook is allegedly new and “never been used.” But since the ShopMaleMilkingMachine.com website also sells an array of pro-cuckolding items, we’re guessing that some people might prefer a milking machine that had already been put through a test run or two.

To buy this $850 device and make sure at least part of you stays warm for the winter, visit Facebook Marketplace.


click to enlarge “Powerful 107 cubic feet per minute suction.” - Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
Screengrab via Facebook Marketplace
“Powerful 107 cubic feet per minute suction.”

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Jaime Lees

Jaime Lees is the digital content editor for the Riverfront Times.
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