Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says, "Gosh, that looks uncomfortable." Pirate replies, "Yarrr, it's drivin' me nuts!" Tell this joke at Pirate Night at the Delmar Restaurant & Lounge, and you're guaranteed some giggles (and a smattering of sympathetic "yo-ho!"s). After all, how often do we get to celebrate eye patches, back-talkin' parrots, high-seas adventure and bountiful booty? Well, until now, it hasn't been often enough, landlubbers. So set sail for the Delmar (6235 Delmar Boulevard; 314-725-6565), where all manner of scurvy dogs are living the pirate's life from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. every Monday night. Find your sea legs with $2 rum drinks and $2 Red Stripes, while DJ Up-Town spins funk, soul, hip-hop and deep house (as of press time, we are uncertain about the availability of a drum-'n'-bass version of "Fifteen Men on the Dead Man's Chest"). There's no cover for these piratastic evenings; just call up your favorite peg-legged marauder, and head to the Loop. And remember: Tonight, and every Monday night, it's pronounced "Delmarrrrrr."