, you have only to type the letters "P-E-O-P" into your search bar before your browser's auto-complete function accurately and dutifully completes a phrase you've searched a thousand times before: "People falling down." Millions of results are returned immediately, and within moments you're giggling like a lunatic alone at your desk, spilling your coffee and hoping your boss doesn't catch you not working yet again.
It is an incontrovertible fact that it is hilarious when people fall down. And that's why these new Lime scooters, combined with the metal tracks installed in the ground in the Delmar Loop for the trolley that will never run
, are the funniest thing in St. Louis right now.
In a pitch-perfect example of two somewhat dangerous ideas cooked up by people with too much money combining to form one extremely
dangerous idea that will assuredly cost
a lot of money in lawsuits and hospital bills, the wheels on the new Lime scooters that were dumped all over St. Louis' streets on Friday just so happen to be the exact width as the gap in the road created by the trolley tracks.
And when we say exact, we mean exact. During a battery of tests we ran over the weekend
we brought one of the scooters down to the Loop on a hunch, and soon, with hilariously little effort, we were able to confirm that you can slide the wheels of these things into the trolley tracks so perfectly that the scooters stand up on their own, no kickstand required.
See also: 13 Things We Learned by Rigorously Testing St. Louis' New Lime Scooters
Here's another angle. Let us repeat, there is no kickstand involved here:
Trolley backers are already hyper-aware of the dangers the tracks pose to those on two wheels. The Trolley Commission even floated the idea of a bicycle ban
in the Loop, ostensibly to prevent people from being injured (but in reality, to keep people who have been injured from filing lawsuits) and there are signs all over the busy shopping district
warning cyclists of the injuries they will soon likely incur. And their wheels don't even fit in such a glove-like manner!
In short, these scooters are going to be a bloodbath. But at least it will be a funny one.
Now, lest you think we're being insensitive to the impending broken bones and bloodied bodies of our fellow citizens, we should add a little disclosure to this piece: The author was himself mauled by the trolley tracks
while on a moped back in June 2016, when the trolley itself was only extremely
behind schedule and not yet farcically
so. Yes it hurt, yes it involved broken bones and blood.
And yes, of course
, it was funny.
So put away those computers and give your search bar a rest. There's a better place to sit and watch people hurt themselves: outside, in real life.
Specifically, in the Delmar Loop that the Trolley Commission built and that Lime filled with scooters. Great job, guys!
- Sign up for our weekly newsletters to get the latest on the news, things to do and places to eat delivered right to your inbox.
- Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.