Best Of 2000

Best Place to Get Arrested: Francis Park

Francis Park, when it's deserted early in the morning, and the sun's shining golden, and life seems as simple and serene as the long lily-pond promenade -- until helmeted "Officer Kiwi" pedals up on his bicycle and threatens you with a $100 ticket, grim as Sgt. Friday busting a drug dealer. "That pug's off lead," he exclaims, shocked that someone with no tattoos and no priors would even consider such villainy. The law-abiding residents of St. Louis Hills sleep soundly at night because of Kiwi (who, his real name being long and Polish, actually likes the fruity epithet).

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