Best Of 2001

Best Potential Corporate-Naming Sponsor For the New Stadium: Dirt Cheap Cigarettes, Beer & Liquor

First: the recognition factor. Nobody really knows what Savvis is, other than another company with troubles. TWA -- now that's an embarrassment, "The Acquisition" Dome. But Dirt Cheap? "Cheap, cheap. Fun, fun." You can hear the ad in your head right now, can't you? Everybody knows Dirt Cheap, and everybody knows who they are, what they do and what they're for: a carton and a case to go. Second: the subtle irony. The Cardinal owners assure us we're really getting a good deal on the new stadium, no matter how many hundreds of millions it's finally going to cost. Well, if a bargain is what this stadium is, let's sell the name to the corporation that means bargain. "Cheap, cheap. Fun, fun." Maybe they'd bring smoking back to the stadium, or maybe they'd take over the concessions. Want a Budweiser? Hell no, I just want something that will get me drunk by the third inning. "Cheap, cheap. Fun, fun." Third: the possibilities. ESPN comes to town, "Live from Dirt Cheap Stadium in St. Louis." Or maybe Dirt Cheap Field. Or how about something like Oriole Stadium in Camden Yards -- Cardinal Stadium in Dirt Cheap Village. Imagine during every game Mike Shannon wrapping his trademark slur of speech around the name of the new boss he will have to shill for. "How about a nice cold frosty Dirt Cheap, Cardinal fans?" "Cheap, cheap. Fun, fun."

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