It wasn't all that long ago that Gut Check was donning our finest
Disney princess Star Wars character drag outfit and joining the swarms of greedy American children on the hallowed Halloween quest for candy. So we remember well the post-trick-or-treat ritual of sorting the bounty into two piles, i.e., Good Stuff and Crap.
Then we'd head back out and t.p. all the houses where we'd been handed lame candy. We considered the act to be a hint to the clueless to maybe bust out the Snickers next year instead of those execrable homemade popcorn balls. A community service, if you will.
Now we're on the other side of the door, trick-or-treatily speaking, and we're also working from a position of strength when it comes to stamping out Halloween-candy imbecility.
Want to avoid having your happy home t.p.'ed this year? Check back each weekday between now and the Big Day as we count down the 21 Best Halloween Treats and the 21 Worst Halloween Treats...
Worst Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 7: Swedish Fish
If there is anything more unpleasant to present the taste buds with than an overly gummy glob manufactured in the shape of an infamously oily fish? And whose hilarious idea was it to make these bite-sized herrings red? Were they attempting to divert unsuspecting eaters away from the important fact that they taste similar to most household cleaners? If you eat more than a handful, the mineral oil in the candy will have your gastrointestinal track waging war on your body. For your tongue and colon's sake, avoid at all costs.
Click through to reveal No. 7 on the Best Halloween Candy list...
Best Halloween Candy Countdown, No. 7: Pixy Stix Pixy Sticks are honest. In this day and age, most candies are ashamed to be themselves. They slap "Fat Free" and "75 Percent Less Sugar" labels on their packages surrounded by small starbursts and confetti while claiming to bring a skinnier version of the party to your mouth. Not Pixy Sticks. Here we have straight-up, unadulterated sugar in a convenient straw that has proved almost as addictive as cocaine in the four to eleven age group. If you want to indulge yourself in an unabashed and flagrant sweetness high, then you've found the real deal.