Oh, the wonders of humanity, that we as a race have perfected not only the art of hot-rodding, fibbing, electric toothbrushing and Hacky Sacking, but also the amazing ability to carve funny-toothed faces into round orange squashes. And, as if that's not the recipe for eternal bliss, we can now snatch the essence of said squashes and infuse them into beer that we can store in bottles to seal in carbonation and flavor and then -- and then -- develop an amazing device that will open said containers. A device that, when employed, triggers an itsy speaker inside its handle that utters a phrase in Homer Simpson's voice, and we quote, "Mmmmm, beeeeeeer. [Pause, sound of fizzy carbonation release.] Yes! Oh, yes! Wooo hoo hoo!"
But, really, what have we gained? To quote the poet David Berman: "We will travel to Mars/Even as folks on Earth/Are still ripping open potato chip/Bags with their teeth."
A flavor explosion, that's what. Put in simpler terms: Isn't it cool that people are making beer that tastes like pumpkin pie? A few companies make them, and they are, of course, seasonal, so make a beeline to your nearest pumpkin patch pronto or you'll be shit out of luck and will have to park your keister in the dirt for the next eleven months while the rest of us remember fondly the beer that has hints of nutmeg, cinnamon, coriander and, of course, pumpkin. While we prefer pumping the underdog (our own O'Fallon Brewery makes a version, but we like to avoid duplication, and we've written about their great O'Fallon Gold wheat beer), the best, most likely chance to get your mitts on a six-pack arrives via the exquisite -- but Coors-owned -- Blue Moon Ale, whose Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale combines the sweetness of their Belgian White with subtle -- perhaps too subtle -- spices. If you like the Belgian White (and actually, we prefer Hoegaarden, out of the Netherlands), you'll love this pumpkin ale with a twist, available at finer grocers everywhere. Next thing you know they'll be making turkey beer. Mmmmm, tuuuuuurkey beeeeer. Yes! Oh, yes! Wooo hoo hoo! Happy frickin' fall!