Cheesy Bites Pizza, Cheeseburger Stuffed Crust Pizza and Other Pizza Hut Horrors

We'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza today.
We'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza today.

It has been an eventful few weeks for pizza gimmicks. First, Gut Check reported that Pizza Hut UK had introduced a hot dog stuffed crust pizza. This week, two pizza-related events have clocked on our radar: cheesy bites pizza at Pizza Hut US (USA! USA! USA!) and Pizza Hut Middle East debuting cheeseburger-stuffed-crust pizza and chicken-filet-stuffed-crust pizza. Gut Check's first reaction: Can we trade the cheesy bites pizza for the unseemly allure of cheeseburger and chicken filet stuffed crust pizza?

A representative from Pizza Hut tipped us off about the company's re-released cheesy bites pizza, describing the move with zeal and likening it to McDonald's McRib sandwich with language normally found in romantic comedies: "By bringing back Cheesy Bites, the famous limited-time offer that is basically Pizza Hut's version of the McRib -- a product that comes and goes, tugging at the heart-strings of pizza lovers across the US."

Despite the rep's description of the cheesy bites pizza as a beloved -- if not much-debated -- product satisfying our junk food culture and collective foodstuffs obsessions, we've never heard of the thing. According to the press release we received, the return of the cheesy bites pizza promises much the same as the original: it's a pizza with crust composed of "pullable, dippable, poppable cheese-filled morsels." While we're interested in the idea of cheesy bread crust, we're much more enamored with Pizza Hut Middle East's new nightmare products.

The magic with the cheeseburger- and chicken-filet-stuffed-crust pizzas doesn't begin and end with the crust. Pizzas can also be ordered with cheeseburgers and/or chicken strips as toppings, which is truly the stuff that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pizza orders are made of.

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