Ener-Gee Whiz: Steaz Energy (Lime)

May 23, 2008 at 3:34 pm

A new feature in which Gut Check attempts to find an effective energy drink...that doesn't taste like ass.

Name: Steaz Energy (Lime)

Size: 12 oz.

Boast: "...the world's first functional energy drink with respect for the community and the environment." Certified USDA organic, fair trade and vegan.

The stats and the effects after the jump...

Caffeine: 80 mg -- though the can doesn't make clear whether that's per 8 oz. serving or for the whole 12 oz. can.

Other Key Ingredients: Green tea, acai juice, guarana extract, yerba mate extract

Appearance: A pale gold like straw or ginger ale, lightly effervescent.

Aroma: A blend of green tea and cough medicine. No lime at all.

Flavor: Ginger snaps, toast, honey-flavored Ricola cough drops. Moderately ass-like.

Immediate Reaction: Not much. But I've already had, like, 30 oz. of coffee by this point.

30 Minutes Later: Jimmy leg, slightly dazed. Working quickly.

1 Hour Later: Heart racing. Easily distracted. Working even more quickly.

90 Minutes Later: Heartbeat slightly calmer.

8 Hours (and Several Alcoholic Drinks) Later: Throwing together dinner from farmers' market ingredients. Slamming. Cooking, getting dishes in dishwasher, plating. Whoooooo.

Overall: I wouldn't want to drink this again, but I got a lot done.

-Ian Froeb