The inevitable involuntary comment, "Jesus, you sure do like your sugar," prompts Freckles to grin a mouthful of surprisingly healthy-looking chompers and reply, "Yep, if it don't hurt my teeth, it ain't sweet enough." He wanders back to a bottle-lined nook and orders a half-pint of gin. "Gin tastes better with coffee than vodka does," he assures you and the neck-tattooed cashier with a nod. This is your cue to pump your own cup of hot black Serious Coffee and purchase some breakfast.
Wicked Sour Cherry Bug Juice and Boston Baked Beans break Pollan's Rule #6, "Avoid food products that contain more than 5 ingredients"; Rule #7, "Avoid food products containing ingredients a third-grader cannot pronounce"; and Rule #10, "Avoid foods that are pretending to be something they are not."
Those three rules are broken at Hit N Run like eggs on Halloween night. The "beans" and the "juice" contain twelve and eleven ingredients, respectively, and best of luck to local third-graders who try to get their mouths around "carnauba" and "acesulfame." As for pretending to be something you're not, one needn't elaborate beyond "Boston Baked Beans" and "Bug Juice."
Wicked Sour Cherry Bug Juice would taste even better with gin than coffee would, but combine it with UV Blue Raspberry Vodka (also for sale here) and you're talking purple and potent -- Bug Potion #9. But lest one be tempted to reconcile early-morning alcohol consumption along these lines with Rule #43, "Have a glass of wine with dinner," don't bother; UV Blue Raspberry Vodka isn't made from grapes. Hell, it's not even made from blue raspberries -- just wood chips and about 24 other unpronounceable ingredients.
