George Clooney, Have You Considered...

Dear Mr. Clooney,

We here at Gut Check International Headquarters are big fans of your work, dating all the way back to your turn as Jo's boyfriend on The Facts of Life.

When we heard you were filming a new movie in St. Louis, we couldn't contain our excitement. We know people are claiming to have spotted you all over town, but we would like to offer a few restaurants you absolutely must try.

To give you extra incentive, we've made our selections based on your oeuvre.

George Burnett, The Facts of Life

George and Jo had a thing for motorcycles, no? Then you should check out the Triumph Grill, which features vintage motorcyles and food that's...well, maybe you should just have a beer and admire the decor.

Booker Brooks, Roseanne

YouTube won't let us embed your handsome turn as Roseanne's boss and Jackie's boyfriend, but that won't stop us from suggesting the perfect match for the classic sitcom: Maid-Rite. Roseanne loved loose-meat sandwiches so much that she wrote 'em into the show, and at Maid-Rite you can get the real deal.

Dr. Doug Ross, ER

Your big break! Now, we know your years on ER might have put you off hospitals for good, but the cafeteria at Barnes-Jewish Hospital comes highly recommended.

Batman, Batman & Robin

Wow. Sorry. That clip was so terrible I lost my train of thought. OK: Clearly, you don't want to remember your turn as the Caped Crusader in Joel Schumacher's unforgivable destruction of a once-proud franchise. But for many of us, the image of your benippled Batsuit will be burned on our retinas forever. Why not embrace the infamous nipples with a trip to Guccione's, the steak house attached to the Penthouse Club?

Danny Ocean, Ocean's 11, 12 & 13

You're right, George. You're far too classy for the Penthouse Club. Sadly, St. Louis has nothing to match the glamour of Las Vegas. The best we can do is Sleek, the steak house from celebrity chef Hubert Keller. Maybe if he consents to fly in from Vegas, we can all pretend?

Miles Massey,
Intolerable Cruelty

You want intolerable cruelty? Just try to score a table at Niche on a Saturday evening on short notice. Can't. Be. Done. Unless you're a big-time movie star! Seriously, George, it's one of our absolute best. Visit before you leave.

Ulysses Everett McGill, O Brother Where Art Thou?

Is Dapper Dan's still open? Because that would be too perfect.

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