Happy Birthday, Martha! Have Some Useless Kitchen Tools

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Today is Martha Stewart's birthday. What do you get the kitchen and style maven who already has everything, including a felony conviction? Gut Check dispatched its crack research staff -- not to be confused with our crack-research staff* -- to find the ten most useless kitchen tools in this or any other universe. Enjoy your gift basket, Martha!

click to enlarge Happy Birthday, Martha! Have Some Useless Kitchen Tools
Peter Duhon, Wikimedia Commons
*Yes, I realize I'm the only person in the world who finds hyphenation-based humor funny.

Heart-Shaped Egg Poacher ($9)

OK: The idea behind this seems harmless enough. It's your significant other's birthday, and you want to make him/her breakfast in bed. What could be cuter than poached eggs in the shape of hearts? But there doesn't seem to be a lot of replay value. The reaction will likely devolve from "Awwww" to "Oh, those heart-shaped eggs again!" to "Oh, those heart-shaped eggs. Again." to "I don't want any fucking eggs. You shouldn't have ogled the babysitter like that." I might reconsider if this was the part of a set with other molds.

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