Jeanette Kozlowski returns to review the new season of Hell's Kitchen, starring her favorite bad-boy chef, Gordon Ramsay.
8:03 p.m. The big question this week: Can the guys finally get it together? Their mounting issues have become almost as painful as Vanessa's injury and unexpected departure last week.
8:06 p.m. Corey and Christina are still feuding; Bobby and Ben are getting closer and closer. Ho hum. Where's the real drama? Known for its over-the-top editing and redonkulous production music, FOX hasn't really thrown us anything new with season four of Hell's Kitchen.
8:08 p.m. "Finicky and mommy's little girl." That's how Gordon Ramsay describes the restaurant's newest customer: 15-year-old Melissa. Her sweet-sixteen soirée will be Hell's Kitchen's first. Ramsay gives each team 45 minutes to cook up one appetizer and two entrées for her to sample.
After the jump: It's Gordon Ramsay's party, and you'll cry if he wants you to.
8:10 p.m. If anyone should be leaving this week, it's Matt. His negative attitude is tiresome; he thinks no one is listening to him. They are listening -- but only to his whines and cries. "I have no faith, no confidence in any of the shit we are doing now," he confesses to the camera.
8:12 p.m. Ben takes control of the men's team, while Corey does the same for the ladies. For the appetizer, the red team selects a more highbrow dish, Tuscan shrimp scampi. While the blue team serves up good ole stuffed chicken wings.
8:16 p.m. Melissa's mother politely describes her daughter's taste as "simple." Unfortunately for the women, that means Mel's never tasted the wonders of shrimp. She picks the men's dish "hands down."
8:18 p.m. The red team's Caribbean halibut doesn't receive a stellar review from the mother: "The rice is undercooked; the fish is dry." And at the same time, Melissa turns her nose up at the men's next dish. "I don't like asparagus, and I don't like shrimp."
8:19 p.m. It comes down to Corey's grilled flank steak versus Petrozza's filet mignon. Mel chooses the guy's dish, and holy cow are they happy. It's the blue team's first-ever victory, and it's already episode six. What a joke.
8:21 p.m. As a reward, the men go act like rowdy teens for the day. And the women get stuck with obnoxious Francisco preparing the party decorations. "The room is going to be sweeter like the sweetest dessert," Francisco says, as the ladies look on in horror.
8:22 p.m. Jen dubs Melissa's mother "The wicked witch of the west coast" when the mommy crashes the pre-party. According to her, it's totally wrong.
8:24 p.m. Out of nowhere, the editors tease a romance spark between Lourous and Corey. "Like filling in a Twinkie ... I heart her, man," he says of the golden-haired villain. Her reply to the rumors: "He's seriously like four feet tall, I'm six feet tall, and I have a boyfriend." Dang, that's a shame. Something more thrilling needs to happen than pseudo relationship to hold my interest any longer!!
8:30 p.m. Ben completely disrespects Shanya's mango salsa. "It's so elementary," he scoffs. "She's so proud of that salsa -- wooo!" Corey and Jen validate his observation and say the 28-year-old needs to speed it up and spend less time drooling over her own creation.
8:32 p.m. The Gordon Ramsay in Bobby bubbles over when he sees Matt stumbling at the entrée station. "I'm not losing another service even if I have to single-handedly cook it myself," he says boldly.
8:33 p.m. Christina messes up the risotto! Three times! After Ramsay's voice rumbles through the kitchen, she's able to find her footing and whips it up -- on the fourth try -- flawlessly.
8:33 p.m. It's evident to Petrozza that "Matt's hanging by a thread with the fire of hell looming below him." And from the furrows in his brow, it's obvious Matt is aware he's in for it.
8:35 p.m. Rosann holds up Hell's Kitchen tradition by undercooking Melissa's steak. Matt gets the foreshadowed slap in the face when the birthday girl's mom sends back the risotto.
8:39 p.m. "Matt, look at me! Wake up!" spits Ramsay in his the usual fire and brimstone mentality.
8:40 p.m. He turns to Rosann with even more disdain and kicks her out of the station. Bobby does the same to Matt. Why doesn't he fight back? "I don't want to mess with someone who is crazier than I am," Matt says. What is he talking about!?
8:42 p.m. On the other hand, Shayna takes her sweet time with the mango salsa. Corey describes her teammate: "Shayna is slow; she is overweight, and she can't move fast."
8:43 p.m. Ramsay accuses Matt of hiding from the competition. And, hold up: Did the narrator's voice just change? It sounds, like, higher.
8:48 p.m. Melissa's final surprise is The Pink Spiders, some emo band that's been featured on (gag) MTV's The Hills.
(OMG! The Pink Spiders are playing the Creepy Crawl tomorrow night! Synergy! -- Ian)
8:49 p.m. Survey says: 98 percent of the men's customers said they'd dine again; 99 percent of the women's customers said the same. For Ramsay, it's too close to call.
8:50 p.m. Matt awkwardly blurts out: "Thank you for your generosity." Ramsay fires back: "Fuck generosity, Matt!"
8:52 p.m. Shayna and Matt are up for elimination. When asked by Ramsay who she would've picked, Christina says Rosann. Seems like Gordon always goes to Christina for a second opinion (i.e. the truth).
8:53 p.m. "Chef, I should stay because I was bullied off my station," Matt whines. Ramsay, of course, doesn't buy it.
8:56 p.m. Shockingly, Ramsay lets baby Matt go back in line. He sends Shayna home instead because she's "a little too slow."
8:58 p.m. As for Rosann, he says, "You just turned a 16-year-old girl into a vegetarian." Sounds as if she did a good job to me!
Next week: Matty starts playing for the other side. "I am ready to kick ass on the right team," he says. Heh. Like that's going to make a difference.
-Jeanette Kozlowski
Photos: www.fox.com
