Manischewitz Sweet Whitefish & Pike

302 North Kingshighway

Sweet Whitefish & Pike

Seen a foodstuff you're too timid to try? Malcolm will eat it! E-mail particulars to [email protected]

Kosher is the new Atkins. What with Madonna, er, Esther, studying the kabbalah, and our country's collective peeling-back of the lid on industrial agriculture, is there any doubt that food prepared according to millennia-old methods of ritual purity would become popular? You bet your bottom latke it would. Americans now spend more than $50 billion a year on kosher foods, and it's estimated that only one in five buyers is an observant Jew.

Which brings us to the 14.5-ounce jar of Manischewitz Sweet Whitefish & Pike perched upon my neighborhood grocer's top shelf.

The sweet whitefish and pike in Manischewitz Sweet Whitefish & Pike are afloat in their "jelled" broth. As in the natural world, one must fish for one's dinner. So much for metaphor.

I can tell you this: Whitefish is not sweet. Furthermore, it has about as much in common with a pike as a human being does with a chimp. When you pulverize the two and bind them together with matzo, you're committing not one, but two crimes against nature.

In the looks department, a lump of Manischewitz Sweet Whitefish & Pike doesn't the least bit resemble a creature of the deep. To this observer, it's a dead ringer for an albino turd. Like far too many things I've been eating recently, it smells a whole lot like cat food. As the oozy flesh dissolves on my tongue, I note that it has about the same consistency as cat food too.

Still, it goes down as smooth as an oyster.

Just don't tell your rabbi.

Scroll to read more Food & Drink News articles


Join Riverfront Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.