Serving Suggestions

When I worked in a restaurant, I had a T-shirt that read, "We talk about you when you leave." Ever wonder what servers are saying about you in the kitchen? If you commit any of the customer crimes listed below, chances are your review will be less than glowing. I polled some local waiters for their top gripes:

Rudeness: "So many people come in looking for a fight." "They jerk us around to make up for their powerless middle-management lives." "They act like I'm an inhuman slave." "People whistle, snap their fingers, call me 'sweetie' and pinch my ass."

Skinflints: "People don't realize we only make $2 an hour; we rely on tips to pay the rent." "If you can't afford 15 percent, you can't afford to eat out."

Separate checks: "Can't they do math?" "It screws up timing in the kitchen and adds 15 minutes to the meal."

Cell phones: "People expect you to stand around and wait while they finish their conversations."

Political correctness: "Once I dropped a check closer to the man than to the woman, and she chased me down, calling me a sexist."

Political incorrectness: "My skin crawls when men order for their dates."

Lawyers: "They actually believe I shouldn't card them, just because they're in law school." "If they're so smart, why are they eating here?"

Rewriting the menu: "I once had a guy ask me to pick the mushrooms out of the stew." "If you know more about food than our chef, open your own place."

And please put the cap back on the ketchup bottle.

-- Jill Posey-Smith

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