Sometimes Handmade Isn't Best: Etsy's Questionable Food Crafts

Last week Regretsy, the website that culls online mega craft show Etsy for the worst handmade goods -- "Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet." -- featured an art photo they dubbed "Shit Sandwich."

The artist, unimpressed with a sandwich she'd ordered, reconstructed her leftovers, took a photo that would be sub-par by Urbanspoon standards, tacked on a loquacious description and is trying to sell it.

Sometimes Handmade Isn't Best: Etsy's Questionable Food Crafts
regretsy.com
Which led us to wonder: What are other crafters doing with food that they probably shouldn't? Lots of things. Lots of really odd things.

I Moustache You Hard Candy Lollipop

Sometimes Handmade Isn't Best: Etsy's Questionable Food Crafts
etsy.com
Is the mustache fad over yet? The only thing that would make this more hip would be if it were bacon-flavored. Don't worry -- it's not.

And what does "I moustache you" mean? That I can cram your whole pushbroom facial hair into my mouth and suck it off a stick? OK, so there's probably a market for that.

Filet o' Fish Earrings

Sometimes Handmade Isn't Best: Etsy's Questionable Food Crafts
etsy.com
Haute couture? More like hot couture! These little replications of everyone's favorite Lenten fried minced-fish treat will have everyone screaming those words every fashionista lives to hear from the catwalk:

Gimme back that Filet o' Fish.
Gimme that fish.


And speaking of cats, they're going to love you for wearing these. So much so they might gnaw them right off your lobes.

Caramel Frapp Necklace

Sometimes Handmade Isn't Best: Etsy's Questionable Food Crafts
etsy.com
Everyone's favorite caramel frozen sugar bomb from an undisclosed coffee franchise -- in miniature! Complete with wee green straw to serve as a placebo when the sugar and caffeine jones knocks and there isn't a nameless green coffeehouse with a blurred logo to be found.

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