Todd Ehlers, Wikimedia Commons
When I was in fourth grade, I loved Vienna Sausages
and took them in my lunch to school several times a week. I also liked Laura Branigan
and Tic Tac Dough
, so what the hell did I know?
I can't remember the last time I had Vienna Sausages, or when I realized that gelatin-packed canned meat isn't the best food choice. Leave it to those jackasses at Good
Housekeeping to bring the Vienna Sausages back into my world with their 1967 Keep Cool Cookbook
There is nothing "cool" about this cookbook. The recipes are so uncool that they get the hell beat out of them on the playground. Nor are they cooling.
The Vienna-Sausage Shortcake involves baking a batch of cornbread, and simmering cream of chicken soup, cheese, green beans, and Vienna Sausages. That'll sit just fine in your belly during the dog days.
The sausages smelled so much like 1982 that the nostalgia portion of my brain activated my salivary glands. I wanted to like it. I wanted eat Vienna Sausages in soup goop, piled on cornbread just as much as I'd like to wear an Olivia Newton-John headband and do the Belinda dance.